Sandy's Say: Pure Poetry
...It would seem that the further north one travels in Australia the bigger the reputation the locals have for imbibing. Perhaps one can blame this on the extreme heat and total absence of alternative activities but, whatever the reason, there are definitely more 'judges' in these remote areas - i.e. people who are constantly called to the bar...
Sandy James introduces us to the world of grenades and throwdowns, longnecks and stubbies.
To read more of Sandy's intoxicating columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/sandys_say/
"You should join us at the pub tomorrow after work, especially as it is Poet's Day," my co-workers kindly invited me when I was new to Australia. I was simultaneously surprised, impressed and ashamed of myself for having hastily categorised this bunch of chain smoking, men- obsessed and partying women as being somewhat unsophisticated.
Self-chastised, I reassessed my first impression of them. After all, how rough could they be if they were appreciative of poetry?
I'd been at the pub for over an hour and still there was not the slightest sign of impending intellectual activity so I ventured the question, "When exactly are the poetry readings taking place?" Spewing forth a mouthful of beer as she guffawed at my immigrant ignorance, the girl alongside furthered my education. "No, you silly duffer!" she replied." POETS is an acronym for Friday. It stands for 'Piss off early, tomorrow's Saturday.'"
Twenty-two years on and I've become wiser to the Australian vernacular surrounding the art of drinking and its consequences. Each state has its own peculiar terminology for beer measurements and this can be very confusing. A 250ml bottle is referred to as either a' grenade' or a 'throwdown', both of which helpfully suggest alternative uses for the glassware once the contents has been guzzled. An 800ml bottle is known as a' king brown' in Western Australia, perhaps because when the amber nectar is consumed in large quantities it has a similar neurotoxicity to the venomous snake of the same name. In other states it is known as a 'longneck' or a 'tallie'.
In most states, a 'stubby' is a 375ml bottle but, in a case of blatant boasting, the inhabitants of The Northern Territory have named the 2.25 litre bottle a 'Darwin Stubby'. This region is also home to 'Territory confetti' - a reference to the prolific littering of beer ring pulls strewn across the ground. It would seem that the further north one travels in Australia the bigger the reputation the locals have for imbibing. Perhaps one can blame this on the extreme heat and total absence of alternative activities but, whatever the reason, there are definitely more 'judges' in these remote areas - i.e. people who are constantly called to the bar.
I must confess that since living here I have become partial to the occasional glass of Chardonnay - not 'cardonnay' (as in a cardboard box) - but the real deal, in an elegant, twinkling, cut glass. I drink in moderation, you understand, to salute the odd sunset, not in an uncouth and out of control way. You would never find me 'full as a butcher's pup' and 'barking at the lawn' (Aussie euphemisms for being drunk and vomiting). So it was with amusement and wagging fingers that my family showed me an article in the paper stating that there was a link between drinking alcohol and cancer. This story took precedence on the front page and recommended total abstinence.
You can just imagine, in this country where the ochre coloured $50 note is referred to as 'a golden drinking voucher', how well this went down with the Australian public.
"I drink the stuff because I like it," was one of the responses.
"It may not be the drinking itself that causes cancer but rather the worrying about drinking that is cancer causing," replied another.
Personally, I find that it is the worry about cancer which causes the drinking in the first place.
