Living On Three Continents: Underground Rant
Susan Siddeley gives a subway ticket seller an earful he is never likely to forget!
A lady with greying hair is buying a ticket in the subway in Toronto, Canada, bending to awkwardly to communicate through a small hole with the man in the ticket booth
Look, I know its rush hour and there’s a queue as long as Yonge Street behind me, but this is ridiculous. This Metro System of yours is driving me bananas. You ticket collectors have either scrawled, ‘Out of Service’ on a bit of card or gone for a pee, or you can’t tell the difference between a student and a serious shopper. Meanwhile, we public must pick our way over floors covered with great gobs of gum, not to mention spittle, hawked up by men with bronchitis and whooping cough who’ve forgotten their handkerchiefs.
Yes, I know, I know, it costs a bomb—sorry, sorry—but you know what I mean, to run this show, but blindfolded donkeys could do better.
I’ve been in Metro systems where you could eat off the floor, that have soaring galleries full of artwork by Michael Angelo, where you can shop for handbags and buy ice-cream. Where trains zoom by every sixty seconds and uniformed staff sit up straight, don’t grunt and would never do what you’ve just done.
You need to infuse life into your system! Illuminate your tunnels, deck your platforms with world flags. Arrange for the National Symphony Orchestra to give noon-hour concerts in the underpasses. Let Canadian Idol audition at Union and Greenwood.
Act for God’s—sorry—for whoever’s sake. Ban gum, dirty windows, chipped steps, leaks and stains. Ban beggars. No, don’t ban them; employ them, officially, to do something useful, like sweep up.
Inspire us, make us look around and smile. Do an Underground Makeover. Serve your public, starting two minutes since, Mr Need-Some-Glasses, Ticket Collector!
It’s insulting and discriminating, what you did. I might be looking a bit grey, but that’s because the pharmacy was out of Clairol Golden Chestnut last week. If you want to keep me out of my car, look at your customer, and next time I ask for a ticket, don’t fob me off with a Senior’s when I’m not one!
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Do read more of Susan's entertaining words http://www.openwriting.com/archives/living_on_three_continents/
