Open Writing

Time for an oil change, I said to my grandson. It’s the family euphemism for anything that badly needed seeing to, including smelly nappies. Eden knew it and ran out of the room. He’s only two years old and still listens to his elders, but for some reason none of us can fathom he has a phobia about anybody except for his mother changing his nappy.

It’s a wonder Eden listens to us at all, really. We’re a bossy lot who feed him veggies instead of the chips he yearns for. We snatch him away from the swing and the seesaw just when he’s made a friend and we put him to bed when he wants to keep on with story time.

So why does he do what he’s told? Right now it’s strictly speaking not necessary. Eden weighs not much more than a bag of potatoes so it’s easy for us adults to haul him off to bed whenever we please. Eden takes notice because although we are the most benign of dictators he senses that there’s always the chance that like Chile’s volcano did most recently and suddenly we might erupt and he’s not taking chances. I’m not sure what is going through his two year old mind but right now we have him thoroughly bamboozled. I’d like to pickle Eden in amber and keep him that way but as it’s not going to happen I think the second best option is to prepare us and him for his future.

As Eden gets older and goes to crèche, then kindergarten then school, force of habit and training will take over. One authority after another is going to tell him what the particular rules of behaviour are of their ever expanding world that will help them grow into mature and social individuals. But that sort of socialising process needs to begin with the adults in his family unit. That’s why I have been talking to Eden about the connexion between changing nappies and clean bottoms and telling him lovingly but firmly that he needs to keep still. He doesn’t like it but he’s getting the message that when he’s with me I’m in charge and that there’s a reason for what I’m doing.

That last is the trick. As he gets older he’s going to question our authority more often and we need to be steps ahead. Eden won’t want to go visit his grandma, or get dressed and ready for school, and he will want to play computer games before he’s done his homework. Tempting as it will be to bark out orders, if we want a better end result we had better combine parental authority with explanation. Don’t talk with your mouth full it’s bad manners; you have to do your homework if you’re going to get a good job and look after your parents in your old age.

Although my parents never did, their generation used to make a flat statement of ‘because I said so.’ It was supposed to put a full stop to all arguments and stop any alternate opinions dead in their tracks. Parents back then didn't want to hear what children thought or felt but I think that it was short sighted of them. Knowing that there is going to come a time when Eden will be taller than I am (actually everyone is) and won’t be told what to do, I try to keep the lines of communication going. That will be the time when it’s going to be me asking Eden to listen to reason.