Sandy's Say: Australian Place Names - No.5
Columnist Sandy James has a feast and a field day reinterpreting Australian place name.
"Goodna gracious me, It's Coolbinia!" exclaims Vera Trixie, the transvestite, as she and a few hundred Queensland at the Sleaze Ball in Kings Cross, Sydney." I Narrabeen to the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras before. They sure are Pakenham in at this after-party. Such a Lota Young people all of the same inclination, all in one place together. I'm a great Belivah that girls will be boys and boys will be girls." Vera loves a party. She is always a Cardwell into the small hours of the morning. Mind you, she is only a Cardiff she's had a drink or two.
"Geelong time no see, darl," says Dee Lite snidely as she sashays past in a silvery, sequined number. "Not since you last Gunderman I had my eye on."
"Yatala girlfriend," adds Avalon Kiss-Enmore, another gender illusionist, as she delicately tszujes up her sleeves.
"Darling Harbour-ing a grudge does no-one any good," replies Vera." Wollert bygones be bygones. Dee Why don't I buy you a Gin Gin? Lithgow over to the bar and I'll make it up to you."
"Yeah, you Talavera," echoes Mama Cass Straight.
"Look Dee, you don't see Cassowary about these things. You wouldn't Warriewood you Cass if I Gundagai you fancied?" asks Vera.
"Would Casino about it? She didn't have a clue when you tried to Wooyung. Menindee-cently in the corner over there, "queries Avalon as she gives Vera a Nudgee and a wink.
" You haven't been pulling the Woolamai eyes have you Vera?" asks Cass." Anyway, Yeronga- bout that, Avalon. Illawarra about it later. I'm having too good a time right now."
"Sydney's all very well but Kanahooka make a living in the rest of Australia, do you think?"asks Liza Round, who is not so much of a brother-sister but more a lady of the night.
"Yes, I've heard that it is possible, "replies Vera."Didn't Brenda the gender bender tour Australia? She's Binnaway for many months now. Cass, where did Bendigo? Did she do Adelaide or Katherine?"
"No, I heard that she went all the way to Mount Victoria and then she moved on to The Twelve Apostles." says Cass.
"Did she manage Tocumwal?" asks Liza.
"No, apparently it is a bit overrated so she didn't bother," replies Cass. "I'm told that she did enjoy Blackfellows and Yorkeys Knob though."
"Did she take her pimp, Humpty Doo, with her?" asks Avalon.
"Yeah, of course she did," answers Vera. They make a Great Keppel, she with her stunning looks and he with his powers of persuasion and excellent selling skills. If anyone can make a living Down Under its Humpty. It's a pity that he only pimps for authentic gals. He wouldn't be seen dead PImpinbudgee smuggler*wearers such as us."
** "Budgie smugglers" is Australian slang for men's tight-fitting Speedo-style swimwear.
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To read the first four articles in this series, plus lots more of Sandy's entertaining word, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/sandys_say/
