Bonzer Words!: Another Cup of Joe?
Colin Fisher tells the tale of the day of the gredat coffee tasting.
Charlie Hughes was a coffee aficionado. Furthermore, he was a highly-rated, international, coffee tasting expert. Charlie and Madge, his spouse of twenty years, often engaged in disputes about the qualities of various coffees.
Madge would say, “Charlie, I don’t understand you. You have all of these world coffees at your beck and call and all you do is debate everyone around you about the method of brewing coffee. My father always made his coffee in a percolator. He wouldn’t have any truck with those vacuum coffee makers because parts of them were broken all the time.”
Charlie responded, “Madge, I don’t give a flying finger for the atrocious brewing habits of your old man. He was a curmudgeon from out of some unknown swamp. Why, he couldn’t even keep his nose from dripping in his coffee!” Madge looked a little angry. “I know that you are my husband and I have taken an oath to honor and obey you. However, I still believe that you are an insensitive, stupid ass. My own, personal taste tells me that the kind of coffee bean is so much more important than is the method of brewing.”
“That’s what you think,” exclaimed Charlie, “You don’t know anything. For example, every coffee expert knows that espresso coffee is only made from Arabica beans and your old man didn’t know an Arabica from a Robusta, even though the only stuff he rammed into his percolator was Robusta beans. You probably think that a French press is a kind of Gaulic wrestling contest!”
Madge was beginning to get a bit hot under the collar. She glared at Charlie and shouted, “OK, Charlie, let’s put up or shut up. If your good friend and coffee expert, Will, cooperates, I will ask him to set up a coffee tasting contest where there will be many coffees to taste. These coffees will not only be made with different beans; but they will also be made by different brewing approaches. You will be the taster in a contest held in the presence of many of your colleagues. You will be asked to not only name the source of the beans; but also to name the brewing method.”
Charlie’s friends were delighted to be involved in such a contest, they had always regarded Charlie as a know-it-all and it would be grand to see him taken down a peg or two. Will proceeded to set up a tasting room in which he had coffee beans from all over the world including such places as Sumatra, Greece, Colombia and Venezuela. He set up brewing machines and coffee grinders, including such as an espresso machine, a drip machine, a French press, a percolator, a vacuum coffee maker and he even provided a fresh jar of water-extracted instant coffee. All of this paraphernalia was behind a wall so that the taster could not see what was being prepared. A large number of coffee cups were made available.
The day for the great coffee tasting had arrived. Will and his associates had set up the room for the contest. Charlie and Madge arrived and Charlie sat down at a table in the tasting area. Will said, “Welcome, everyone. Charlie will be given samples of coffee that are named on this list. For each sample he tastes he is to name the kind of beans as well as the brewing method that was employed. He will be rated on both assessments. At the end of the contest we will add up Charlie’s score and invite any of you that wishes to try and beat that score.”
Charlie exclaimed, “Bring them on! I am ready to show all of you just how good I am at this business.” The contest then got underway. A sample would be delivered to Charlie, scored and the results recorded. This went on for several hours until one particular sample was offered to Charlie. For the first time, he didn’t know what he tasted. He suddenly felt very insecure. It could be vacuum coffee or it could be instant.
The man teetered on the brink for an instant and went over and kissed Madge.
© Colin Fisher
**
Colin writes for Bonzer magazine. Please visit www.bonzer.org.au
