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October 29, 2013

124 - Names

Ron Pataky considers the naming of names.

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October 22, 2013

123 - Dead Finger

Ron Pataky tells of a finger in a box.

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October 15, 2013

122 - Loathsome And Ill-Mannered Cats

Ron Pataky recalls the day he tried to capture a cat.

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October 08, 2013

121 - Summer Vacation

...Summer vacation! All summer long to goof off as a kid wished...

Ron Pataky continues his richly humorous account of his youthful days.

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October 01, 2013

120 - Soap And Shoes

Ron Pataky considers boys and gals and soap and shoes.

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September 24, 2013

119 - Foot And Toe Plague

"Whatever the case, foot and toe plague definitely seemed a guy thing,'' writes Greg Hill.

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September 17, 2013

118 - Chicken Fett

"Farm people, I learned early on, ate the chicken FEET, actually considering them a delicacy of sorts (at least that's my assumption, giving the slurping that went on),'' writes Ron Pataky.

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September 10, 2013

117 - Townsend Dann

Ron Pataky recalls school friends with unusual names.

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September 03, 2013

116 - Shared Songs

Ron Pataky recalls the days of shared songs.

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August 27, 2013

115 - Mushy Songs

...There were along the way, in many phases, causes for which I would have "fought to the death" ... as long as no violence had been required...

Ron Pataky continues his entertaining autobiography.

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August 20, 2013

114 - A Pin-Ball Machine

...Let's get one thing straight right now. Pin-ball machines were not just simple, silly playthings, designed by well-meaning sociologists to keep kids off the streets!...

Ron Pataky continues his vastly entertaining account of his younger years.

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August 13, 2013

114 - Boobs

Ron Pataky considers the finer points of teenage female anatomy.

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August 06, 2013

113 - Mush

Ron Pataky recalls the days of wartime rationing.

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July 30, 2013

Bluebird

Ron Pataky brings immortality to a certain bluebird.

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July 23, 2013

111 - Red Jacket

...I had seen this bright red, satin-like thing, with incredible white piping, hanging on a rack at the sporting goods store up on the city square...

Ron Pataky recalls the inglorious days of the red jacket.

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July 16, 2013

110 - The Skid Row Of Melonville

Ron Pataky's hopes were ruined by a bunch of pheasant chicks.

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July 09, 2013

110 - Aching Loins

"By the age of twelve or so, it was clear that I already had developed into a self-authenticated Dirty Old Man!'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his hilarious account of his early years.

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July 02, 2013

109 -Face Slapping

"There was some talk to the effect that the doctor took one look at me and slapped my mother!'' writes Ron Pataky.

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June 25, 2013

108 - Sad News

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June 18, 2013

107 -Isosceles Beauties

Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography, tells of early stirrings.

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June 11, 2013

106 - Law Enforcing

Ron Pataky tells of raising and lowering the flag.

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June 04, 2013

105 - Knickers

"Chestnuts and iron stoves were meant for each other,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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May 28, 2013

104 - A Party Trick

...We didn't stand a whole lot on ceremony in those days. Nor did we normally contemplate things existential. Today was today. Cows needed milking. Animals needed feeding. Shit
required shoveling...

Ron Pataky continues his lively life story.

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May 21, 2013

103 - Making Hay

"Making hay may have been, along with iron-smelting, autopsies, and winter-fishing off the frozen and treacherous banks of Greenland, among the worst jobs known to civilized man,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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May 14, 2013

102 - Shovelling The Outhouse

"It was not necessarily a first-rate day when Grandpa announced we were going to 'shovel' the outhouse.'' writes Ron Pataky.

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May 07, 2013

101 - A German Luger

...
...The point is that we had an actual Luger pistol, made way off over there in Germany somewhere, and, in our young minds, almost certainly handled at one time by Hitler himself!...

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

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April 30, 2013

100 - Johnny Zero

"I wasn't the sort of kid who made up a lot of stories, but the stories I did make up had a good bit of pizzazzy tang. You betcha your bootsa!'' writes Ron Pataky.

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April 23, 2013

99 - Snake Bit

Ron Pataky tells of the day a rattlesnake tried to bite him.

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April 16, 2013

98 - Market Day

Ron Pataky recalls days at the market with his grandma.

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April 09, 2013

97 - Relief

...I did wish, though, that our only toilet hadn't been all the way downstairs!
For a brief time, I even thought I'd solved that problem.
There was, I discovered, a painted metal floor-register near the wall, out of which blew ... absolutely nothing...

Ron Pataky continues his revealing life story.

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April 02, 2013

96 - The Monster

Ron Pataky recalls a startling moment.

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March 26, 2013

95 - Grossmutter

...Grossmutter, who spoke not a single word of English, would sit, often for eight or ten hours a day, in a straight-back chair against the small wall between the pantry opening and the door to our tiny enclosed back porch...

Ron Pataky continues his engaging autobiography.

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March 19, 2013

94 - Pig-Bone Tough

....You should have seen that women chase a chicken or two for the evening's supper! For sheer violence, I was certain it rivaled scenes from the actual Crusades!...

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells of his Grandma.

Continue reading "94 - Pig-Bone Tough" »

March 12, 2013

93 - Field Mice

"It wasn't hard to find field mice in the corn crib. You could almost call them, and they would come,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his engaging account of his younger days.

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March 05, 2013

92 - A Shootin' Story

...I believe it was the last time in my life, other than for food, that I ever shot a living creature. On the other hand, I have, since then, blasted the living hell out of every variety of stump, tree, log, bottle, target, barrel, or tin can imaginable.,,

Shooting a rabbit left Greg Hill with deep regrets.

Continue reading "92 - A Shootin' Story" »

February 26, 2013

91 - Rough Rider

"So far as I could see, the single lesson learned from digging potatoes would be the knowledge that potatoes can be eaten raw, and that they don't actually taste all that bad,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his entertaining autobiography.

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February 19, 2013

90 - A Scaring Incident

Ron Pataky recalls the day when Grandpa scared the hell out of two normal teenagers.

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February 12, 2013

89 -Sinking

...Our thinking was that we'd thoroughly dissuaded leakage. We hadn't. That thing floated superbly... for about the first full minute. Then, we looked on in horror (all we had to do was observe six legs crowding the boat's floor), as water began to rise around our lower extremities at a truly alarming rate...

Ron Pataky recalls an ill-fated sailing venture.

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February 05, 2013

88 - Cleaning Out The Chicken Coop

"It seems, therefore, safe to say — given this enlightenment — that "cleaning out the chicken coop" may indeed be the least favorite of all jobs to pass a kid's way while he is growing up on a farm,'' writes Ron Pataky.

Continue reading "88 - Cleaning Out The Chicken Coop" »

January 29, 2013

88 - Fruit And Nuts

"American hedgerows simply cannot compete with the hedgerows of France. But the American variety is much more fun,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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January 22, 2013

87 - Fruitful

...Grape jam was Grandpa's favorite. Grandma liked her special grape and raspberry strudel. Either one was fine with me...

Ron Pataky continues his life story.

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January 15, 2013

86 - Chilly Bathing

,,,the idea was that the water, having basked the day in brilliant sunlight, should have been, if not actually warm, at least bearable to non-Laplanders...

Ron Pataky continues his entertaining autobiography.

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January 08, 2013

85 - How Babies Came

"Whether parachuting out of the hayloft that one time (Gordie's stupid trick), throwing eggs at a barn-side drawing of Hitler (Gordie's stupid idea), or sitting crouched under an orange crate in the proud, devil-may-care personage of a certified Spitfire ace, we pretty much made our own playthings,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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January 01, 2013

84 - Sympathy Nil

"Sympathy, in fact, was an alien word to a farm kid,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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December 18, 2012

83 - Pain

"Pain, a farm kid quickly learned, had a wonderful way of eventually disappearing, given a steady nightly application of Watkins and a steady daily application of continued manual labor,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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December 11, 2012

82 - Bullying

... it might be fair to say I bullied him psychologically at times...

Ron Pataky records his relationship with his younger brother.

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December 04, 2012

81 - Secret Reading

...those same stairs were also the perfect place for reading a decent book, or even a poem or two, on cold winter days...

Ron Pataky reveals his boyhood hiding place.

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November 27, 2012

80 - Milking Time

"I did establish early on that a guy could actually doze while milking a cow,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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November 20, 2012

79 - The Chevy

...Grandpa bought it new, all right; but he then drove that stupid thing until the only way you conceivably could have told its age would have been to saw it in half and count the rings...

Ron Pataky tells of vheicle which more than earned its keep.

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November 13, 2012

78 - The Wagon Years

..."She would prepare, "for market," the assorted farm-grown fruits and vegetables, and the cheeses she generally had made the night before. He would hitch up the wagon, a sleek wooden job, originally hand-produced somewhere in a cavern, I think, by an advanced Pithecanthropus group.''...

Ron Pataky continues his lifed story.

Continue reading "78 - The Wagon Years" »

November 06, 2012

77 - Dog Cemetery

"Boyhood, then, except for my years at the market, was largely of the "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" variety,'' recalls Ron Pataky.

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October 30, 2012

76 - Second Blessings

Ron Pataky tells of a marriage made in the Land of Second Blessings.

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October 23, 2012

75 - Upsetting Grandpa

Ron Pataky reecalls a thrilling boyhood game which his grandpa failed to appreciate.

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October 16, 2012

74 - Sugar Water

...There, Reverend Lahm, actually imported to this country by Grandpa and Grandma, would drone on for a full ninety minutes and more - always in German...

Continuing his life story, Ron Pataky recalls some of the trials of childhood.

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October 09, 2012

73 - Corn Festival

"Corn was not only the main item offered at the annual soirees; it was, to all intents and purposes, the only item!,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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October 02, 2012

72 - Embarrassment

"If I hadn't been horribly embarrassed by something at least twice during the day, I imagined that the heavens were no doubt saving up my portions for a real dilly somewhere down the pike!'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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September 25, 2012

71 - Only Veronica

"For some strange reason, although shaky when it came to my writing and penmanship, I was inordinately confident even then concerning my conversational prowess,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his vivid life story.

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September 18, 2012

70 - North Lake Park

Ron Pataky tells of lake park paradise.

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September 11, 2012

69 - Life With Father

...only one of Dad's friends ever proved unacceptable to Mom. His name was Joe J., and he was a bumpy-faced, foul-talking, woman-hungry clod who had no more notion of how to act around a lady than I'd have had of proper behavior in the presence of a splinted anteater...

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

Continue reading "69 - Life With Father" »

September 04, 2012

69 - Driving Test

"We did eventually get a clackity, used tractor which I swore even then was older than anthracite — which Gordon promptly drove through the barn door, thus causing the barn door to be left open for a spell, horses and their potential theft notwithstanding,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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August 28, 2012

67 -Cranking The Truck

Ron Pataky recalls the fiendish vehicle in which he learnt to drive.

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August 21, 2012

67 - Unc Comes Home

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August 14, 2012

65 - A Simple Life

Ron Pataky recalls radio days.

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August 07, 2012

64 - Privates

No farm kid I knew ever wore shorts,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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July 31, 2012

63 - Loose Wheat

"It didn't take this farm kid long to dispel the quirky notion that sleeping on hay or straw afforded some sort of ethereal delight. It didn't. The facts were (and presumably still are) that it clawed and scratched in tortuous fashion at skin,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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July 24, 2012

62 - Discovering Girls

"And, of course, I'd discovered girls, thanks in no small part to the Williamson girl next door,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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July 17, 2012

61 - Teen Doldrums

"That first year at Simpson was a veritable study in early teen doldrums,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his life story.

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July 10, 2012

60 - Pen Friend Days

"These were absolutely great days! I had mail coming and going at my house on a daily basis, and the three-cent charge per letter was something even I could afford. I'd race home from school each afternoon to see what postal treasure had arrived that day, and I was rarely disappointed,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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July 03, 2012

59 - Knowing Places

"In the unlikely event that I might someday be asked my advice on the most important thing a youngster could learn, I truly believe I would sing the highest praises of a thorough general knowledge of the world around us,'' writes Ron Pataky.

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June 26, 2012

58 - Extremely Sophisticated Vocabulary

"I think it's fair to say of my early education that I was probably more clever and resourceful than actually book-smart,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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June 19, 2012

57 - A Satisfactory Kid

Ron Pataky reveals the contents of his school report cards.

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June 12, 2012

56 - A Cellar Filled With Books

"Daily mail delivery quickly became a main feature of American life - in the cases of families with boys at war, the main feature,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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June 05, 2012

55 - All Hell Broke Loose!

Ron Pataky recalls the outbreak of war.

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May 29, 2012

54 - A Tiny Grape In A Humongous Vineyard

,,,One involved a baby Gordon eating the better part of a box of Ex-Lax, and giggling aloud through the entire untidy episode that messily followed...

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

Continue reading "54 - A Tiny Grape In A Humongous Vineyard" »

May 22, 2012

53 - A Two-Pepsi Pee

...My advice, then, is to pay more attention to first kisses, starry skies, country roads, city parks, rain, winter mornings, and the incomparable smells of new-mown grass and berries along the way, and less to the broken windows, illnesses, wars, and, yes, even the deaths, that come as unwelcome attachments to this deep and unfathomable business of life...

Ron Pataky recalls the halcyon days of his boyhood.

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May 15, 2012

52 - The Ohio State Fair

Ron Pataky recalls the day he and a friend hitched a rie to the Ohio State Fair.

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May 08, 2012

51 - A Whizzer

Ron Pataky recalls the joy of acquiring his first motorised transport.

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May 01, 2012

50 - Loosey-Goosey Baseball

Ron Pataky, continuing his authobiography, tells of Little Kenny's baseballing day to remember.

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April 24, 2012

49 - He Can't See Curves

Ron Pataky admits that his sporting ability was severly limited.

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April 17, 2012

Chapter 48

"When I was out on the farm, things were great. But when beckoned thither by the lights of the city, I often felt like a boy who was born for the express purpose of serving as an unfortunate example to others,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his life story.

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April 10, 2012

47 - A Beauty Of A Headache

Ron Pataky tells of a perfect cure for a headache.

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April 03, 2012

46 - A Lady In The Bathroom

Ron Pataky tells of an embarrassing situation.

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March 27, 2012

45 - The Death Of President Roosevelt

"The vivid memory I have of that day was of people weeping, often uncontrollably, as the caisson bearing the President's body rolled slowly by,'' writes Ron Pataky who witnessed the funeral procession.

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March 20, 2012

44 - Egg Collector

...Like many other days in the life of a farm kid, I saw a bird's nest in one of the thick elderberry patches along the fence line.,,

Ron Pataky recalls how he became a collector of birds' eggs.

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March 13, 2012

43 - A Bag Of Wheat

...Suddenly, for no apparent reason, my brother collapsed, sinking like a bag of wheat to our wooden floor, where he continued to lay without moving for what might have been fifteen minutes, but what seemed like hours. Nothing would wake him!...

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells of a night of terror.

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March 06, 2012

42 - A Corker Of A Lie

Ron Pataky recalls how he fooled a teacher.

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February 28, 2012

41 - Guaranteed Used Stamps

...I sent away for a packet of "1000 Used Stamps from Around the World - Guaranteed." The "guarantee" bothered my young brain a bit. Were they guaranteeing them not to be new? Or what then?,,,

Young Ron Pataky decides to enter into the world of big business.

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February 21, 2012

40 - Hotel Berlin

Ron Pataky tells of a time when it was both safe and unsafe to be young.

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February 14, 2012

39 - The Chipped Step

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells how one of the steps at his home came to be badly chipped.

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February 07, 2012

38 - Morning Prayer

"One of the first things I learned in school was the value that teachers obviously put on daily prayer. You could actually be asked to leave the room if you chose to cut-up during Morning Prayer. Had a boy committed such an offense twice, I rather imagined he might be asked to leave the planet!'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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January 31, 2012

38 - A Well-Packaged Teenage Girl

Ron Pataky was a radio fan first class when he was a boy.

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January 24, 2012

36 - Fan Letters

...I knew, for example, that if I could ever meet Margaret O'Brien, she would be mine. The same might even be true of Joan Leslie...

Ron Pataky tells of writing fan letters.

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January 10, 2012

35 - A King In Flight

Ron Pataky tells of a bad attack of stage fright.

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January 03, 2012

34 - The Fool

"There was one fool who lived across the wide cul-de-sac circle. He was a Marine major, and the sort of man of whom I was thoroughly ashamed even at the age of eight or so,'' writes Ron Pataky continuing his life story.

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December 27, 2011

33 - A Lifelong Heroine

Continuning his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells of an inspirational lady.

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December 20, 2011

32 - Parkfairfax

...It was there in Parkfairfax that I had my one and only run-in with the law. And if I had hand-picked my victim from an International Police Agency roster, I could absolutely, positively never have selected more of a dandy of a wrong one. If life had been a giant freeway that day, everyone else, I was convinced, would have been windshields, and I would have been the solitary, utterly doomed bug!...

Ron Pataky continues his exhilirating autobiography.

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December 13, 2011

31 - An Earful Of Water?

Ron Pataky tells of high life in a Washington hotel.

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December 06, 2011

30 - Black Widows

"It was in Bethesda, later to be continued in Parkfairfax, Virginia, that Gordie, a few other buddies, and myself, developed our first flirtation with a mother's nightmare. Because there was that special aura of danger about them, I suppose, we began to collect and store Black Widow spiders!'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his astonishing autobiography.

Continue reading "30 - Black Widows" »

November 29, 2011

29 - Empty Tankers

...They were fast times, even for kids. I checked almost every day, and there was a war going on! Gordon and I bounced from school to school like empty tankers in a level nine sea....

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky recalls moving from city to city with his parents.

Continue reading "29 - Empty Tankers" »

November 22, 2011

28 - People Couldn't Be That Stupid

...I'll guarantee you this: If you were hearing the damned story for the first time, there is no way in bloody hell you'd believe one shred of it! People just couldn't BE that stupid!...

Ron Pataky tells of the outbreak of World WarTwo.

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November 15, 2011

27 - Moving To St Louis

"Mom, in cahoots with my "teacher," took it upon herself to bake individual cupcakes for every single member of my "class." Plus one for the teacher. Each cupcake had been hand-decorated with red, white, and blue icing, and each "flew" a tiny paper American flag.'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

Continue reading "27 - Moving To St Louis" »

November 08, 2011

26 - Outhouse

...They were generally built far enough away from the house itself to at least temper the blending of wonderful cooking odors with their sneaky (and often abrupt) aftermath scents. Among other things, this meant long and dark treks on winter night...

Ron Pataky continues his redolent autobiography.

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November 01, 2011

25 - Stroking The Sickle

Ron Pataky's account of an accident with a sickle is guaranteed to make every reader wince.

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October 25, 2011

24 - Unique Hands

Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography, tells of his grandfather's unsual hands.

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October 18, 2011

23 - The Tree Planter

"Grown trees lend exclamation points to life when you realize that you are the one who years ago put that original, small twig into the ground!''

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

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October 11, 2011

22 - A Bath At Day's End

...A bath at day's end was a near to paradise as a normal farmer ever got in this life, even though it lasted but minutes and was followed by a goosebumpy exit in the breeze of even the warmest late afternoon...

Ron Pataky continues his vividly-told life story.

Continue reading "22 - A Bath At Day's End" »

October 04, 2011

21 - Chicken Poop

...The truth is that gagging, eye-watering assignments like scraping chicken poop into a manageable puddle were invariably offset by other, more appealing circumstances, arriving daily to touch and warm the heart...

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells of life on the family farm.

Continue reading "21 - Chicken Poop" »

September 27, 2011

20 - Gold Stars

...Gold Stars in many, many windows brought tears to us all, and it seemed to many at the time that even the flowers of the field wept with us during the worst days. Through it all, however, a redeeming fact of sorts was the awareness that, even then, through all of the world's darkness at the time, kids were always going to be kids...

Continuing his autobiograpy, Ron Pataky recalls wartime days.

Continue reading "20 - Gold Stars" »

September 20, 2011

19 - Slop Dujour

..."Come on out," I sweetly invited Cousin Dana. "You can see the pigs a lot better from out here." Putting one small patent-leather foot ahead of the other, she daintily tiptoed onto the board, knowing that Cousin Ronnie would be there to help if she should encounter trouble...

But Cousin Ronnie had other ideas!

Ron Pataky continues his entertaining autobiography.

Continue reading "19 - Slop Dujour" »

September 13, 2011

18 - Sundays For The Lord

...Sundays were set apart for the Lord. The two darlings actually had paid the money to import a Lutheran minister "from the old country" to preach in the small rented house they called "church."...

Ron Pataky continues his life story.

Continue reading "18 - Sundays For The Lord" »

September 06, 2011

17 - Carpe Rutabagum!

...The market is where I learned an essential part of eventually being a truly rare adult male, thus attractive in obvious and distinct ways to distaff counterparts. Exhibit One: I could trim, clean, or otherwise prepare any item of fruit or vegetable known to civilized man...

Ron Pataky continues his entertaining autobiography.

Continue reading "17 - Carpe Rutabagum!" »

August 30, 2011

16 - The Kid's Off Somewhere

"As noted earlier, winters in the market were normally a bitch. In our particular indoor section, which encompassed perhaps 30 x 45 feet (with a small outdoor sidewalk area), there was a single pot¬bellied stove at the common floor's very center. While its top surface was ideal for roasting Ohio chestnuts, its effect within the broader field of fumarolery left a whole, whole bunch to be desired.''

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

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August 23, 2011

15 - Vote For Christ Pataky

Ron Pataky continues his engaging autobiography.

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August 16, 2011

14 - Evergreen Cafeteria

"My formative years were steeped in broccoli, plums, sauerkraut, books, ration books, hickory nuts, hunting, memorial services, girls, and the glories of rutabaga,'' writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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August 09, 2011

13 – The Parachute Test

“My father's people are Hungarian, although we never wore the fact on our sleeves,’’ writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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August 02, 2011

12 – The Welcome Letter

...As she read this letter, however, we could scarcely miss the fact that she had begun to sob. Very little noise, but sobbing nonetheless. When one of the older kids asked her what was wrong, she smiled through her abundant tears and told us that her husband was finally coming home, in less than two weeks! He’d been gone for almost FOUR YEARS...

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky tells of letters from a war front.

Continue reading "12 – The Welcome Letter" »

July 26, 2011

11 – The Rae Avenue Experience

“There was, in the entire field of lower education, absolutely NO curse worse for a boy than being called to stand and go to the blackboard while in the midst of a spell of inexplicable penile swelling! It was like trying to hide a decidedly prominent tent in an otherwise flat meadow, and a guy just knew that every pair of binoculars in the county had his momentary crotch-malady firmly zeroed in,’’ writes Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography.

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July 19, 2011

10 – Missed Kisses

“Indeed, it wasn't until junior high that I actually got my first goodnight kiss, a then-respectable half-second job from the tender mouth of Shirley Varchmin, whose lips I don't remember, but whose kiss I will never forgot,’’ writes Ron Pataky, continuing his life story.

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July 12, 2011

9 – Freezing Hell

...Although her penchant for hugging me tightly was somewhat less than fully appreciated, what absolutely bothered me most was the penetrating piscine odor that inevitably lingered on my being for something like several months following each such intimate contact...

Ron Pataky recalls unwelcomed close encounters with a market stall holder.

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July 05, 2011

8 – Captain and Worker

...A huge part of my life at the time involved the venerable Third Street Market, which covered a full one-fourth of a downtown city block. Therein stood Pataky's Fruits and Vegetable Market, fronting the Walnut side of Third and Walnut...

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

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June 28, 2011

7 – Spinning The Bottle

...But, Barbara would’ve never involved herself in an exercise such as rolling dizzily down a hill. Or rolling any other way! Down anything! She and Peggy were the kind of girls who wore sparkling clean, neatly-pressed dresses (under which we guys imagined sparkling clean, only slightly moistened panties)...

Ron Pataky continues his autobiography.

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June 21, 2011

6 – Notable Neighbors

...Mr. Williamson was the kind of guy I imagined ate his meat raw and probably worked off steam by clawing at a bare, rough-hewn wooden post in the evenings. He looked almost absurdly tough, and it was authoritatively spoken by the adults in town that he actually was tough! I thanked the Lord more than once for the fact that he was on our side!...

Continuing his autobiography, Ron Pataky recalls his celebrity-loaded boyhood neighbourhood.

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June 14, 2011

5 – The Downing Clan

...Grandpa Downing, a small, finely-sculpted, extraordinarily handsome man, labored all of his life at a nearby brickyard. The fourteen kids absolutely doted on their dad. To the days of their individual deaths, most of them had at one time or another mentioned the "wonderfully clean" smell of Grandpa Downing’s sweat! (I just report the facts, folks. I don't explain them)...

Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography, tells of his family tree.

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June 07, 2011

4 – Ours With Smallness In Mind

...Except for the on-again/off-again presence of a young father with a quick and nasty temper, the house was a place of relative comfort and security. When Dad was away from the home, which was a good bit of the time, it was also more or less a place of peace, although Mom was known to raise a broom on occasion for purposes apart from houseflies, ceiling cobwebs, or an occasional errant wasp or bee...

Ron Pataky, continuing his autobiography, recalls his first home.

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May 31, 2011

3 – A Period Of Unsettled Settling

“Time would pass, of course, as it has a way of doing, and the mysteries of both girls’ breasts and my curious churnings would become, if not completely understood, at least temporarily tolerated,’’ recalls Ron Pataky.

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May 24, 2011

2 – Secrets Of The Sacred Veil

“Something was going on! Precisely what, I couldn't tell, but I did have the sense that it was going to have my full approval and support when I finally would become privy to the full story...’’

Continuing his life story Ron Pataky tells of his discovery of GIRLS.

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May 17, 2011

1 – Little Mysteries

For some years now Open Writing has been publishing a weekly poem by American humorist Ron Pataky.

Ron’s unique take on the world makes his rhymes instantly and hilariously recognisable. How the Pataky “style’’ evolved will now be revealed in the ensuing weeks and months. Today we begin the serialisation of Ron’s autobiography, Over Here.

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