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Spanish Secrets: If I Was An Alien

Craig Briggs takes a bemused alien's look at his home village in Galicia, then at other bizarre happenings on Planet Earth.

If I was an alien visiting planet earth for the very first time, what might I think about the self-professed most intelligent beings of this little planet, namely humans?

As an inter-stellar traveller I would probably have travelled for some time and distance. Rather than travel alone I’d choose to be accompanied by others of my kind. It would no doubt have taken a great deal of commitment, co-operation and unity to enable our small group to realise this galactic voyage.

Our first observations were over the country called Spain, more specifically Galicia in its North West corner. Our spacecraft entered Earth's orbit over a small village in the province of Lugo, called Canabal.

For the past seven revolutions of the planet, we’d observed a small, but steady flow of humans visiting a walled enclosure on the edge of the village. Within its walls were small compartments three storey’s high, each of which were roofed and topped with a cross.

The visitors were all female of the species, carrying containers of water and bottles of chemicals. They meticulously cleaned the hard polished stone fronts of the compartments. Later they returned with beautifully ornate floral tributes, which they placed around the cleaned and polished compartments.

During the same period, several males of the species had been working outside the walled enclosure. A large area outside the walls had been cleared of all natural life by powerfully destructive machines.

The vegetation was replaced with crushed stones covered with a thick black glutinous mixture. Finally this surface was compressed with a huge weighted cylinder powered by another machine.

We surmised that this enclosure must be of major importance to the local human society. With our limited understanding of their language we’d deciphered that a body called “The Council” was responsible for issues of village life.

It was, “The Council” who had rationed the public water supply to the village for a time spanning at least half the planet's orbit of the sun. They’d achieved this rationing by diverting something called, “Money” from the supply of water. Once diverted, the “Money” was then used to construct the new surface outside the enclosure.

We concluded that, “The Council” must reside within the enclosure.

A scan of the compartments within the walls revealed rotting and decaying remains of deceased humans.

Was this really, “The Council”?

We logged our observations and moved on.

A companion on our craft responsible for monitoring Earth's communications reported his findings to the rest of the crew.

Moments prior to our arrival at planet Earth, a small part of the globe named Pakistan had been subjected to a severe movement of the Earth's tectonic plates.

Tens of thousands of humans had lost their lives. Many more had suffered injuries and even more were left homeless with insufficient resources to support life.

An important yet powerless leader named Coffi Anan, asked the tribal leaders of all countries for help. He called this help money and asked for “£300 million”. Some tribal leaders publicly voiced their commitment to help.

Not long after the disaster a very important human called, “Philip Green” made a tribute to his wife Tina, of £1,200 million. This was four times the amount needed to help the hundreds of thousands of other humans in Pakistan, but she decided to keep all the tribute for herself.

We concluded that Tina Green was the human called, “Mother Earth”, such was here importance.

Having gathered all our information, we decided it unwise on this occasion to introduce ourselves and left.

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