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U3A Writing: Only A Door

There's a lot more to buying a door than you might think, as Barbara Patterson reveals.

“It’s only a door,” Mum said. “It won’t take long to choose.”

With promises of a visit to the nearby shopping centre, I reluctantly followed my parents into the DI. store.

Only a door! The understatement of the year.

Armed with a page of hieroglyphic symbols and measurements, Dad bore down on a chap in a brown coat. “Yes sir, a door,” the man said, steering us to an interesting looking computer screen. The fun began.

“Size?” Entered. An outline appeared.

“Great” I thought. “Shopping centre here I come.”

Little did I know.

“Materials Sir?” producing samples.

“Colour?” producing samples.

“Glass panels?”

“Size?”

I must admit the picture of a door was becoming more interesting. Surely we were nearly there.

Dad…… “What are the price differences? Hmmm, say, wood versus plastic?” One glass panel? Or two? Or three? Oh no! The computations were endless.

A decision is made.

“Fittings sir?” That should be simple. Handle; Letterbox; Locks.

Yale? Bolts? Triple? Double safety? Brass? Chrome? . . . . . .

Surely that’s everything. A whole hour of serious shopping gone.

Finally . . . “The glass sir?”

I don’t believe it! A pane of glass is a pane of glass.

No! Double glazed? Triple glazed? Reeded? Feather? Teardrop?

Price comparisons . . . A decision is reached. Let’s go I thought.

“If you will come to the desk sir, I will complete the paperwork.”

Half an afternoon to buy a door! I bet they forgot to ask for an extra set of keys for me.

Come to think about it, were keys mentioned?

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