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Bonzer Words!: Reflections On A Life

...I sleep, only to dream of another time, another place, another me...

Violet Apted reflects on the course of a life.

Violet wrotes for Bonzer! magazine. Please visit www.bonzer.org.au

In the twilight of my remembered years I marvel at the progress displayed. A tear forms in my eye. To think that I would ponder the thoughts of man and be brave enough to greet the cutting edge of life.

My pen moves across the page, each once-dim memory displayed. I wipe away a tear. Surely it was only yesterday? A cup of cheer, to help ease the pain awakened by each word I write. The blanket tucked carefully around my knees, by gentle caring hands slips to the floor and my once nimble legs refuse to move.

This is the cutting edge of life? I don’t think so! The words I write, to be read when my life slips away. Will tell a story of a woman, unrecognised by all who see only this old woman despairing of life. My hand grips the pen and moves on.

Remember this soul well in the years to unfold—all was not easy, or so I am told.

Each memory like an old movie moves across my mind. The pen slips from my hand as pain wracks my body. Oh, for the carefree days of youth that slowly fade from my mind. I sleep, only to dream of another time, another place, another me.

Still there is hope as a new dawn of light glimmers through the forest of age and pure delight. I remember more this day than I did last night. If only I could wipe away the fears of past events in yesteryears—of pain and heartbreaks still unhealed . . . another night . . . I’ve been this way . . . the dreaded thought unfolds and is displayed . . . in dreams tormenting here of past regrets and taunting jeers . . . I did not think to say, but, maybe, another day?

Oh that I could hold fast this dream! I would linger here awhile, but I know my dreams will be relived in my children. My immortality is ensured. I smile, a smile of ‘knowing’. Wisdom, that comes only with age. I slip back onto my pillow with a sigh. Tomorrow I will write some more.

Drifting in and out of dreamland, knowing why and what I am . . . passing shadows in dreams I’ve lived. Some are dark and well within life’s pages. Hidden memories, alive and sparkling . . . truths untold . . . mine to be bold. It’s not the depths of darkness that linger in my mind, or from these fingers. Take each day as it comes . . . a little bit of sunshine . . . and whilst you ponder your thoughts of life, remember well. For no one knows who tolls the bell, or for whom the bell doth toll.

Should tomorrow come without me, the bell will toll for me. Remember, I have lived my life as fully as it could possibly be. I have no regrets, but for the love I leave behind. So shed no more tears and one day I know we will be together once again.

©Violet Apted 2003


You can contact Violet at violet77@optushome.com.au



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