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U3A Writing: Matinée

Oh the joy of going to the movies in an afternoon – until the conversation starts up. Cynthia Kasmy tells a story laced with frustration.

“The men are watching a soccer match this afternoon. Let’s go and see a movie down the road. I have no intention of sitting and watching soccer all afternoon.”

“Okay Janice. Let’s look in the paper to see what is showing.”

“Karen this one looks good. There are at least a half a dozen good stars in the drama and the critics gave the movie a very good write-up. We can go in my car. At least you don’t have to pay for parking at Balfour Park. Also the show is not for persons under 18 so the movie house won’t be filled with children throwing popcorn and sweet papers around and disrupting the performance.”
“There is quite a long queue Janice.”

“Don’t worry they move very quickly so that the patrons can get inside before the shows start.”

After purchasing tickets the two friends walked into the darkened cinema.

“We can sit near the back. It looks as if there are plenty of seats Karen.”

“Do you want some popcorn?”

“No, I can do without it. I’ve got to cut down on my calories.”

“Okay we can relax. These seats are quite comfortable.”

The advertisements started, and then the trailers of forthcoming attractions.

“We can go for a picnic next week”.

The two ladies in front of them were chatting on top of their voices. “Janice tapped e one of them on the shoulder. “We are trying to watch the screen. Can you please keep your conversation down until after the show”.’’

“Yes, you two old biddies haven’t shut up since you sat down,” another irate voice uttered. “Now shut up or get out”.

“Don’t you dare to speak to us like that. You have no manners.”

“You are the ones without the manners. Everyone has paid for their seats and they certainly didn’t pay to hear your voices discussing trivialities such as picnics. Now clam up.”

Dead silence for a while until the movie started.

“Isn’t he just gorgeous that Tom Cruise?”

“I don’t like him because he can’t stick to one woman”.

“Will you two please tone it down.’’

Silence reigned once more.

Somebody started playing with a packet of nacho chips, making as much noise as possible and making a performance of opening up the packet. Then the loud crunching started.

After twenty minutes everyone around was getting agitated.

“Do you have to crunch so loudly and disturb the whole movie house?”

The crunching stopped for a while but resumed in a particularly tense part of the movie.

“Oh for heaven’s sake. We came here to watch the movie, not to listen to your munching.”

Embarrassed now by the remarks the culprit promptly put the chips into a handbag.

“Ooh, look how Tom Cruise jumps up and down. He could put his shoes under my bed anytime.’’

“I personally don’t think that Tom Cruise would be interested in being in the vicinity of your bed. Now please keep quiet.”

The two old ladies in front of us obviously could not keep quiet for long. When Tom Cruise jumped out of a plane they were nattering again, discussing the stunt.

“Somebody else is doing the jumping out of the plane.’’

“Please quieten down. Everyone wants to see the movie.’’

“How do you know that Tom Cruise doesn’t do all his stunts?” one of the old ladies inquired.

“The producers would certainly not let him get into any danger while filming. What do you think they have stunt people for?” “

“Will you people all please keep quiet. This is so annoying..”

The action-packed movie proceeded until there was a rape scene. “How can they film something like that?” an elderly voice exclaimed.

“It is only a movie. They can film anything. Now please be so kind as to let us watch the rest of the show.”

Suddenly the chip crunching recommenced. Before somebody could take the packet away from her, the woman stopped the noise. Obviously the packet was finished.

The movie came to an end.

“Now you ladies can talk as much as you like,” an elderly man said to the two seated in front of us.

But by this time they really didn’t have anything to say to one another.


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