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Yorkshire Dialect: Ethel's Search

Yar Ethel goes searching for antiques, but the hunt ends in disappointment, as Mike Shaw reveals in his Yorkshire dialect narrative.

One o’ yar favourite prooagrammes on telly is th’ Antiques Roadshow. Me an’ Ethel wetch it reglar as clockwork ivvery Sunday neet, an’ Ah daren’t ser mich as open mi maath whahle it’s on.

Ethel’s allis on t’ lookaat fer summat shoo’s seen somewhere else or summat shoo sez ‘er mother threw aat wen shoo wer a lass.

On last week’s prooagramme a chap ‘ad a collection of owd spooins laid aat on t’ table an’ wen this ‘ere expert sed wat they wer worth Ethel ommost ‘ad a fit.

“Ah’m sure mi mother ‘ad some big spooins just lahke them,” shoo sed, “but Ah think yar George claimed ‘em awl wen we cleeared th’ haas at, lucky devil.

“Car boot sales are where ter gooa fer bargains, tha knows, but they dooan’t ‘ave monny i’ winter. Jumble sales are t’ next best thing, an’ Ah nooaticed ther’s one at t’ church schooil next Frahday, sooa Ah’ll pop in an’ see wat they’ve getten.”

Wen Frahday came raand Ethel wer off i’ gooid tahme, cos shoo wer callin’ fer Annie next dooar but one ter gooa wi’ ‘er.

Shoo’d ooanly been gooan abaat an haar afooar she wer back, lookin’ as pleased as Punch.

“Sithee, just tek a look at wat Ah picked up fer 50p,” shoo sed praadly, openin’ ‘er bag an’ tekkin’ aat a china teapot.

“Ah reckon it’s a reight antique, cos it’s getten some markins on t’ bottom just lahke one ‘at wer on the’ Antiques Rooadshow not long back.”

“Well, it’s mucky enuf ter be a couple o’ ‘undred years owd,” Ah sed. “But tha’ll nooan get owt fer it i’ that state.”

“Awl it needs is a gooid wesh,” replahd Ethel. “Ah’ll gie it a scrub up naah, then we can ‘ave a cloiser look at it.”

Sooa off shoo went inta t’ kitchen wi’ t’ teapot, an’ tuthri minnits at afta shoo let aat a reight shaat.

Ah rushed over ter see wat wer up an’ theer wer Ethel, ‘owldin t’ teapot ‘andle wi’ t’ rest on it i’ bits in t’ sink.

“Nooa wonder it wer mucky,” shoo wailed. “It musta been broken afooar an’ glued tergether, cos as sooin as it gate in t’ warm watter it just fell ter bits.”

“Whah, nivver ‘eed, lass,” Ah replahd, trahin’ mi best ter keep a straight face. “Tha’s nobbut lost 50p, not £50. An’ it in’t as if we needed a new teapot, onnyrooad!”


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