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Poetry Pleases: Rent My Husband

Randal Looney's poem was inspired by a slogan on a paint-spattered truck. It read: RENT MY HUSBAND.

Sun ain't even up
it's already 80 degrees
planting these flowers
pruning these trees
all them people in that office
working in the cool
shouda done like my brother
and stayed in school
might have made more
than a handyman

That's what my first wife said
We got married in '74
she always wanted more, more, more
took the two kids and left me here
never did like me drinking beer
ain't seen nor heard from them
guess it's almost 30 years
said she wanted to raise the kids up right
guess that's why I didn't put up much of a fight
she couldn't cook worth a damn anyhow

Now I'm glad I got Linda
to keep house and the books
she don't raise too much hell
or give me them looks
when I come home drunk
and she don't know where I've been
just says she was "worried"
and goes back to reading again

Painting these old houses
fixing their doors
put in a new sink
or a laminate floor
getting to old to do this stuff anymore
I need to move to the mountains
and breathe in that air
Could probably quit drinking
If I moved up there
Aw, who am I fooling?....It's almost
Wonder what people that don't drink do for fun?
Guess I'll never know

Yeah, it's houses
not pictures that I paint
but I never claimed
to be something I ain't
the sun on this roof
is burning my knees
hope I can get to Rudy's by 3
If I get there early
I can get my table
as much money as I spend in there
you'd think they'd be able
to save it for me, but they won't
guess I'll pick up my tools
rake up the last of these leaves
I'm just about through
and it's a hundred degrees

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