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Yorkshire Dialect: Jooa Sykes Gets t'Bird

In Mike Shaw's latest good-humoured Yorkshire dialect tale he tells how old Jooa Sykes got a birdie when he tried his hand at golf.

Ah've nivver laiked golf in mi lahfe, but Ah gate reight interested in it wen th' Open Championship wer on t' telly fra Scotland.

Even yar Ethel put daan 'er knittin' an' started gawpin' wen yond chap fra Zimbabwe gate t' ball i' th' oil fra monny a mahle away.

Daan at t' club on t' day at afta we wer awl talkin' abaat aah excahtin' it 'ad bin.

"Ah reckon Ah'd get worked up an' awl if Ah wer laikin fer 110,000 same as t winner picked up," sed Jooa Sykes.

"Ah think it's ovver-rated missen. Wi' a bit o' practice Ah bet Ah cud knock 'em in lahke that an' awl."

Ah winked at Jack Bamforth an' sed: "Well, tha'r mooar confident ner me. Ah reckon we shud trah thee aat, Jooa. We'll gie thee a couple o' days ter warm up on t' back lawn, then we'll awl gooa on t' puttin' green at Greenhead Park an' see wat tha can do."

"That's a reight gooid idea," Jack sed ter Jooa. "An' if tha can get raand 18 oiles i' 40 shots, we'll bah thee awl th' ale tha can sup in a neet."

"Tha'r on," replahd Jooa. "We'll mek it Thursday afternooin i' t' park, cos that's wen t' wahfe gooas ter t chapel."

Onnyrooad, Thursday cums raand an' we awl caught bus ter taan an' walked up ter t' park, wheer t' puttin' green wer deserted bar fer a few little sparras peckin' at t' grass.

Awl this fahne weather 'ad med t' green reight 'ard an' fast, an' Jooa sooin gate i' trouble wen 'is ball kept runnin' past th' oiles.

But e picked up varry weel as 'e went on, an' bi t' tahme 'e came ter t' last 'e needed a oil i' one.

'E faffed araand summat shockin' afoor 'ittin' t' ball, an it wer gooin' lahke t' clappers wen blow me if it din't 'it one o' t' sparras an' plopped straight in.

"That's wat they call a birdie, lads," sed Jooa wi' a big grin. "By gum, them pahnts are baan ter taste gooid terneet!"


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