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Yorkshire Dialect: Sadness, Sun And Silliness

No matter how hot the day, the back door should not be left open when yar Ethel has a sponge cake i' th' oven, as Mike Shaw in his Yorkshire dialect column - the only column of its kind to appear every week on the Net.

Awl this 'ot weather we've been 'avin 'as caused some reight ructions at yar haas. It started one neet wen Ah left t' milk aat o' t' fridge an' yar Ethel sed next mornin' 'at it'd gooan off.

Then, a few days at afta, Ah gate i' trouble ageean fer oppenin' t' back dooar ter let a bit of air in. Ethel wer upsteears at t' tahme an' wen shoo came daan Ah gate it i' t' neck an' reight.

"Shut yond dooar, yer daft ayporth," shoo shaated. "Ah've a sponge cake i' th' oven an' lettin' t' cowld air in can mek a reight mess on it."

Sure enuf, wen Ethel gate t' cake aat it looked as sad as a dog 'at's 'ad its booane pinched.

"That meeans Ah'll atta start afresh an mek another," shoo stormed. "Ah've a gooid mahnd ter charge thi fer th' extra eggs."

Wen Ah sed Ah wer gooin' inta t' garden ter reead t' paper shoo telled me ter put some sun creeam on lahke they wer sayin' on t' wahreless.

"That's nobbut fer pansies," Ah replahd. "Ah've nivver used onny o' that stuff afooar, sooa Ah'm nooan baan ter start naah."

Ah'd abaat hauf an haar aatsahde afooar Ah deciahded ter pop aat fer a pahnt afooar t' dinner, sooa Ethel asked me ter leeave t' cheear i' t' garden cos shoo wer ready fer a sitdaan.

In t' pub Ah met up wi' Jooa Sykes an' t' tahme went sooa quick 'at wen Ah looked at mi wetch it wer past dinner tahme, sooa Ah'd ter sup up quick an' get missen wom.

Wen Ah looked raand th' haas fer Ethel shoo wer nowheer ter be seen, an' t' pans i' t' kitchen wer boilin' ovver ter some pattern. Then Ah spotted 'er i' t' back garden, fast asleep on t' cheear, sooa Ah gave 'er a reight gooid shake ter wakken 'er up an' telled 'er 'at t' cabbage 'ad boiled drah.

"That just abaat meks us even afta t' cake disaster," Ah sed, "an' tha should ave tekken thi own advahce abaat sun creeam. Tha's getten a face just lahke a beetroot. Another ten minnits an' tha'd be just reight asteead o' cabbage fer dinner!"


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