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Yorkshire Dialect: Yar Ethel Claats A Small-tahme Crook

Yar Ethel has a sharp response in store for small-time crooks who try to pinch her stuff, as Mike Shaw reveals in his latest dialect tale.

Daan at t’ club last Frahday, Jooa Sykes gate on abaat summat ‘e’d yard on t’ news abaat road sahns bein’ pinched.

“Apparently, tha can get a fair bit o’ brass for ‘em as scrap metal,’” ‘e sed. “It just gooas ter show ‘at some fowk’ll pinch owt they can lay ther ‘ands on.”

“Tha’r absolutely reight theer,” Ah replahd. “Ther’s nowt safe these days. It’s nobbut a couple o’ weeks sin’ Ethel’s cousin ‘ad a length o’ stooan wall nicked fra ‘is back garden. An’ then ther wer a few fowk raand ‘ere ‘at ‘ad stooan flags pinched. It’s enuf ter mek a camel weep.”

Absalom Craather suggested we owt ter awl get tergether an’ draw up a rota fer neet tahme patrols raand yar way. “It’s be a bit lahke neighbourhood watch except better,” ‘e sed. “But we’d atta gooa aat i’ pairs, cos these blokes ‘at are dooin’ it probably wun’t think twahce abaat boppin’ thee one.”

Alf Garside sed ‘e’d just finished three weeks wark tidyin’ up ‘is front garden. “T’ wahfe’s nephews clubbed tergether an’ bowt ‘er a couple ‘o dwarfs ter put next ter t’ wishin’ well we’en getten, but they nobbut lasted a week afooar they disappeared. It fair upset t’ little kids next tahme they came an’ fun aat sumdy’d walked off wi’ em,” ‘e sed.

Ah ‘ad a swig o’ mi pahnt an’ replahd: “Appen we’d better start a man-hunt, or rather a dwarf-hunt, ter see if we can spot ‘em i’ sumdy else’s garden,” Ah sed. “We’ve getten seven i’ yar garden, an’ yar Ethel looks afta ‘em as if shoo wer Snow Wahte. Some chap trahd ter pinch one on ‘em just as it wer comin’ dark last autumn, but Ethel spotted ‘im an’ gave ‘im a cleat raand t’yed w’ ‘er rollin’ pin afooar ‘e ran off.

“For a week or mooar at afta shoo went raand lahke Miss Marple, examinin’ blokes’ yeds ter see if shoo could fahnd one wi’ a lump on it!”


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