Open Writing

It wer a reight wet an' windy day last week wen Ah looked across t' valley fra t' front rooam winda.

"Tha'll be fast fer summat ter do, Ah reckon," sed yar Ethel, sarcastic lahke, as shoo gate on wi' 'er dustin'. Whahle tha're theer tha can wetch t' grass growin' on t' lawn, cos it's fair greened up an' Ah reckon it'll need cuttin' in another week or two."

Seein' as Ah'd ommost read t'print off t'mornin' paper, Ah wer just wonderin' aah ter pass t' tahme wen Ah came across a book on t' sahdebooard 'at Ethel 'ad just finished reeadin'.

It wer written bi yond woman Jilly Cooper, an' Ah fair gate interested in awl t' carryin' on wi' 'orses an' thees women rompin' abaat i' stables wi' different fellas.

That neet me an' Jack Bamforth went daan ter t' club fer an haar an' we gate talkin' abaat 'obbies, lahke pigeons an' gardenin'.

"Ah fair enjoy plannin' wat Ah'm baan ter do in t' garden wen t' weather warms up," sed Jooa Sykes. "An' Ah spend haars lookin' through t' seed catalogues."

"Ah'm a reeder, missen, apart fra t' telly, o' cooarse," Ah replahd, an Ah telled 'em abat Jilly Cooper's book wi' sexy gooins on.

"Tha'r a bit owld ter me tekkin an interest i' owt lahke that, areh't ter, Bill?" asked Jack. "Mahnd thee, Ah suppooase ther's nooa 'arm i' reeadin' abaat it. Afta awl, wen tha gets ter yar age it's abaat awl tha can do."

An' Jooa sed if 'is missus copped 'im reeadin' owt lahke that shoo'd sooin' 'ave plenty ter say. "Shoo's allis on abaat awl this 'ere scandal an' wat not 'at ther is i' newspapers thees days," 'e added.

Ah took a swig o' mi pahnt, puffed on mi pahpe an' sed,"Ah allis did think tha'd led a varry sheltered lahfe, Jooa. "Nivver 'eed, lad. Thee stick ter reeadin' thi seed catalogue. Unless tha fancies a change, then tha can allis switch ter t' telephone directory!"