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Yorkshire Dialect: Dirty Dogs

Mike Shaw’s latest dialect tale suggests a novel way of making some brass.

Yar Ethel wer reeadin' t' paper afta breakfast t' other day when shoo suddenly muttered: "Ah'm awl i' favour o' that."

"I' favour o' wat?" Ah asked as Ah lit up mi pahpe fer t' first smook o' t' day.

"Well, it sez 'ere 'at t' Government's thinkin' o' mekkin fowk pay if they let ther dogs dirty t' pavement," shoo replahd.
"If it gooas through, they'd atta fork aat a fahne of up ter £2,500."

"By gum, that ud gi'e 'em summat ter think abaat," Ah sed. "Yond pair o' labradors up t' street are allis at it aatsahde yar haas. Dosta think they'd get fahned twahce if booath on 'em left sum mess? That ud be a reight smack i' th' eye fer 'em."

Ah wer dooin' a bit o' diggin' i' t' back garden a bit later on wen awl of a sudden Ah 'ad a reight brainwave. Sooa Ah picked up mi spade an'went raand ter t' front, where ther's a bit o' yar land 'at gooasup ter t' pavement.

Ah dug daan a few inches or sooa ter mek a square 'oil an' Ah wer jist finishin' off wen yar Ethel cums up ter see wat Ah wer up to.

"It's wat tha maht call a public lavatory fer dogs," Ah explained, "Ah reckon we can mek a bit o' brass aat o' this job. Awl Ah want naah is a nooatice sayin' Canine Closet, £1 a tahme. Save yoursen £2,499!"


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