Yorkshire Dialect: News In t' Mornin' Paper
This particular news in the morning paper may be interesting - but is it useful? For the answer to that question read Mike Shaw's latest dialect tale.
Ah'd been waitin' ovver a week fer t' gales ter stop sooa Ah could get aat fer a 'aircut baat bein' blown away. Yar Ethel kept on natterin' abaat me bein' nesh an' askin' if Ah fancied missen as Samson or summat.
"If tha dun't do owt abaat it sooin Ah'll do a Delilah and gie thee a short back an' sahdes missen," shoo threatened.
T' trouble wer 'at shoo looked as if shoo meant it an' awl, sooa Ah thowt Ah'd better get it cut pretty sharp.
Next mornin' it weren't quaht as windy as it 'ad been, an' Ah gate mi cap an' coit on afta breakfast ter get theer early. It wer nobbut hauf-past nahne wen Ah arrahved, but blow me if ther weren't one chap in t' cheear an' a couple mooar waitin'.
"By gum, Stan, tha'r usually empty at this tahme," Ah sed ter t' barber. "Trust me ter pick a mornin' wen tha'r busy fer once in a blue mooin."
Charlie Wood had getten 'is yed stuck inta th' ooanly mornin' paper an' awl, sooa Ah'd ter sit theer twiddlin' mi thumbs.
Charlie, who wer gooin' through t' paper as slow as if 'e'd nobbut just larned ter reead, suddenly gave a little titter.
"Wat's up, Charlie, atta reeadin' abaat yond fooitball referee 'at sent fahve men off at Chesterfield on Satdy?" Ah asked.
"Nay, it's nowt lahke that," 'e replahd. "It sez 'ere 'at women talk mooar ner men, an' that's official. Accooardin' ter thees scientists in Australia, women 'ave mooar chelp cos they've getten certain parts o' ther brains 'at are bigger ner yars."
"Well, that's nooan a reight lot o' gooid," Ah sed. "Wat we do need is sumdy ter tell us aah ter shut 'em up. An' Ah bet that's nooan in t' flippin' paper!".
