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Here's Alison: The Christmas Gift

Alison Ross's poem reveals that there is one Christmas gift that a wife should never be given.

For more of Alison's funny and moving poems please click on Here's Alison in the menu on this page.

What, I wondered, had he bought
As I sat down, beside the tree
There was a parcel gaily wrapped
And yes, addressed to me.

The parcel was enormous
Not tiny, like last year's
He was usually such a skinflint
I spent most Christmas days in tears.

But behold, before me lay a box
Christmas wrapped, and yes,
It really was exciting
There was no way I could guess.

To prolong the joy I felt
I undid slowly all the ties
Until the wrapping was gone
And there, before my eyes...

Was a set of shiny saucepans!
In which to cook his meals no doubt.
I aimed them at his head
And the neighbours heard me shout.

I told him ‘bout his pedigree
With each one I threw
And as he lay unconscious
I said "Merry Christmas dear to you.''

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