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Around The Sun: The Perfect Nappy

New dad Steve Harrison wrestles with the smelly problem of nappy changing before coming up with the ideal solution.

After facing an avalanche of nappies I have come up with the perfect solution. It wasn’t the changing of nappies that was the problem, I’d even mastered the stinky ones, those filled with that bright orange glue that is impossible to remove. No, changing nappies wasn’t the problem. It was the sheer volume of them.

During those rare nights when I actually slept, I dreamed of designing the perfect nappy. All kinds of elegant ideas floated through my head. They say necessity is the mother of invention. I designed nappies made of super-absorbent materials. Nappies with automatic flaps designed to be self-emptying.

I thought of ways of turning the waste material into fertiliser. I pictured myself with a baby in one arm and a basket filled with beautiful organic vegetables in the other. From the cradle to the seedling so to speak.

I even considered a nappy made from parasites which would feed on waste products.

Finally I figured it out the perfect solution to my nappy changing problems. I talked my mother-in-law into moving into our house and living with us. After all, I married into an extended family. Why not utilise the opportunity.

My mother-in-law is great. She nursed seven of her own children and eight grandchildren. and is completely untiring in her attention to the needs of my beautiful baby. She arrived with a small shopping bag containing almost all of her worldlt possessions and settled to the task at hand with the determination of a sumo wrestler.

She loves my baby and smiles constantly. She hardly speaks a word of English, cooks, cleans, and is perfectly content to nurse and rock my infant none stop for 24 hours a day.

I love living in Vietnam, with its tireless mother-in-laws. I love living in the land of the perfect nappy.

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