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Backwords: Gooin' Soft On Drinkin'

The price of beer goes up, but a switch to lemonade or tonic water is not the appropriate response for canny Yorkshire fellahs. Mike Shaw tells another dialect tale.

Ah felt as if Ah'd been smacked i' t' gob last week wen Ah fun aat 'at beer wer gooin' up thripence a pahnt at t' club.

Yar Ethel yerd abaat it an' awl, an' shoo didn't hauf gie me sum stick at teea-tahme. "Well, tha'll jist atta do wat a lot o' fowk are dooin' ower fags thees days," shoo chun-tered. "Tha'll awther atta sup summat else or gooa baat awltogether. It ull do thee gooid ter sup a bit less, and if enew fowk do t' same it maht mek t' breweries change ther mahnd."

"It's a big rahse, reight enuf," Ah replahd. “Especially wen tha luks at awl t' brass 'at t' breweries are mekkin'. Ah've a gooid mahnd ter mek a stand an' suggest ter mi mates at t' club 'at we shud gooa on strahke ower t'job."

Daan at t' club on t' neet afta, Ah talked it ower wi' a few on 'em an' they wer awl i' agreement. Sooa wen Jack Bamforth gate up ter get a raand, it wer three tonic watters an' two lemonades.

Wen he browt t' drinks ower 'e'd a face lahke a thunderclaad. "As t' shop steward, Ah'm callin' t' strahke off wen we've supped this lot," 'e sed as 'e plonked t' drinks daan on t' table.

"Aas ter meean, off?" Ah inquired. "We'n nobbut jist started."

"That wer afoor Ah bowt this raand," 'e replahd. "Wen tha reckons aah mich tha gets i' wun o' thees bottles, it's a bloomin' seet dearer than t' new prahce of ale!"


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