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Yorkshire Dialect: A Reight Pick 'n Mix At Jooa Sykes's

All is not well with Jooa Sykes's vegetables in Mike Shaw's latest dialect tale.

Ah've allis done pretty weel at t' looacal flayer an' vegetable show, but it's gettin' inta a reight cut-throit do naahdays. Some o' mi mates at t' club 'ave fallen aat ovver t' job, an' tha'd think they were competin' in t' Chelsea Flayer Show.

Even yar Ethel's getten caught up in it awl cos shoo gave me a reight tellin' off t' other day wen shoo gate back fra shoppin'.

"By gum, tha'r gettin' left behand an' reight wi' thi stuff fer t' show," shoo sed. "Ah've just been lookin' at Jooa Sykes's garden an' 'is vegetables mek thahn look lahke miniatures. 'E's getten cabbages as big as fooitballs, tomatoes lahke cricket balls, an' radishes sahze o' snooker balls."

"Well, wi' awl that lot, it saands as if 'e could set up a spoorarts centre," Ah replahd, sarcastic lahke. "Jooa allis wer a bit of a show-off. Ah suppooase 'e tuk thee on a conducted tour di 'e?"

"Nay, Ah din't need that," Ethel replahd. "E'd getten a few laid aat on t' garden wall wheer ivverybody could see 'em."

A couple o' days afta Ah wer just finishin' giving mah veg a gooid feed wen Ethel comes aat lookin' awl 'ot an' bothered. "Asta yerd abaat Jooa Syker's garden?" shoo blurted aat as Ah put mi watterin' can away.

"Nay, an' Ah can't say Ah'm reight interested awther," Ah replahd. "They'll be puttin' 'im on telly next, Ah shouldn't wonder."

"E'll nooan be on onny telly, an' 'e win't be showin' owt awther," shoo sed. "Sumdy's been an' pinched awl 'is prahze produce last neet."

"Theer tha are, then," Ah sed, trahin' not ter look too smug. "They say advertahsin' pays off, but it can be expensive an awl, tha sees. T' trouble wi' Jooa is 'e's been gooin' ter Woolworth's sooa long 'at 'e can't 'elp copyin' 'em.

"Wen 'e set 'is stall up it wer an oppen invitation to pick 'n mix, and that's just wat they've gooan an' done bi t' saand on it!"


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