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Yorkshire Dialect: Dead Set On Three Star Treatment

When your time comes, you might as well have three star treatment. Mike Shaw tells another dialect tale.

Yar Ethel's cousin Hilda 'ad ter gooa inta 'ospital wi' asthma a few weeks back. Shoo were nobbut in fer a couple o' days till they'd getten 'er sooarted aat lihke, but Ethel wer fair upset abaat it.

"Ah think we owt ter gooa an' see aah shoo's gooin' on naah shoo's at wom," sed Ethel. "Afta awl, shoo's on 'er ooan sin' Bert popped 'is clogs last backend. Shoo'll be glad ter 'ave sumdy ter talk to."

Too true, too true, Ah thowt ter missen, cos Hilda's not known i' t' family as electric lips fer nowt. Onnyrooad, we 'ad ter gooa, 'o cooarse, an' ter say 'at Hilda wer fain ter see us is puttin' it madly. We 'ad ter yer awl abaat 'er tahme i' th' 'ospital fra t' thread ter t' needle, an' shoo nivver stopped 'er clack till Ethel went ter fot us a cup o' teea.

"Ee, they wer goodness itsen i' theer. Ah cudn't ave been looked afta better if Ah'd been stoppin' at t' George Hotel," shoo sed.

"It's funny tha shud mention that," Ah replahd. "T Government's baan ter gie stars ter th' 'ospitals jist lahke 'otels, tha nooas. "Mahnd thee, it ull 'ave nowt ter do wi' wat t' patients think abaat it. They'll be settin' on sum extra pen-pushers, Ah bet, ter work it awl aat.

"It ull be a bit o' 'ard lines if thi looacal 'ospital's ooanly getten one star, though. Ah reckon if tha'r baan ter dee, tha maht as weel do it i' style. Sooa, Ah'll settle fer nowt less than a three-star spot. Even if it meeans tekkin me ovver Standedge ter Manchester!"


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