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Yorkshire Dialect: Double Trouble Ovver Telly

If you need two tellys might you not also need two bathrooms? Mike Shaw tells another dialect story.

Yar Ethel's allis on ter me abaat t' length o' tahme Ah spend i' t' bathroom t' first thing in a mornin'.

"Ah dooan't know wat tha fahnds to do in theer, but wativver it is Ah could do it in hauf o' t' tahme," shoo sed.

"Well, it's awl reight fer women," Ah replahd. "They dooan't 'ave ter shave an' watnot same as us men."

Ethel wer still natterin' as Ah left to meet Jack Bamforth in t' village fer a pahnt at t' Rooase an' Craan.
Wen we gate sat daan in t' pub Jack asked me if Ah'd been wetchin th' athletics on telly.

"Yus, an Ah've fair enjoyed it an' awl," Ah sed. "But it's getten unda yar Ethel's skin an' reight.

"Shoo played merry 'ell t' other day wen shoo fun aat it wer on fer four or fahve haars at a stretch.
"In t' finish we settled it bi sayin' 'at Ah could wetch it fer a couple o' haars afta t' teea, so long as shoo could switch ovver wen Coronation Street an' Emmerdale's on.

"Tha'll atta do t' same as yar Fred did," Jack telled me. "Im an' 'is missus wer allis fratchin abaat wat ter wetch, sooa 'e went aat an' bowt a second-hand set fer fifty quid.

"Naah, tha sees, they've getten a set apiece, one i' t' front room an' t'other i' t' back."

"By gum, that's a reight gooid arrangement," Ah replahd. "But t' trouble is fahndin' t' brass ter pay fer another TV."

T' clock wer gooin' raand ter hauf-past twelve, sooa we'd ter sup up sharpish, an' bi t' tahme Ah gate hooam Ethel wer just finishin' cookin' us sausage an' chips.

Afta t'dinner Ah telled 'er wat Jack 'ad sed abaat their Fred an' 'is wahfe 'avin two tellies sooa they could booath wetch wat they wanted.

"Ah reckon that's a brilliant idea," Ah sed. "It'd stop awl this argy-bargy abaat which prooa-gramme We're baan ter wetch."

"Ah fully agree wi' thee," sed Ethel to mah amazement. "An' Ah'll tell thee wat Ah'll do. Ah'll get thee thi own telly if tha'll pay for another bathroom. That way we'll booath be satisfahd!"


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