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Yorkshire Dialect: Ethel's Winin' Short Cut

Yar Ethel turns into a race horse tipster in Mike Shaw's latest Yorkshire dialect tale.

Ah lahke ter 'ave a flutter on th' 'orses naah an' ageean, especially if t' race is on telly. It's nobbut a bit o' fun an' it meks it mooar interestin' wen Ah can cheer mah gee-gee on.

Last Satdy Ah went through t' racin' page in t' mornin' paper wi' a fahne tooithcomb, whahle yar Ethel wer complainin' abaat gettin' under 'er feet. Ah wer checkin' t' runners an' wetchin' t' Mornin' Lahne prooagramme on telly, in competition wi' Ethel as shoo kept on rarhmin' mi cheear wi' t' vac lahke shoo wer on t' dodgems.

"Nay, let's 'ave a bit o' reight, lass," Ah complained. "As sooin as t'
prooagramme's ovver Ah'll be poppin' daan ter t' bookies an' tha'll 'ave th' haas ter thissen.

"Ah dooan't know aah tha picks thi 'orses, but it teks thi long enough," shoo sed. Ah reckon tha'd be just as weel pickin' 'em wi' a pin, cos Ah've nivver yerd thee say 'at tha's won summat."

"Ah, well, Ah dooan't tell thee everything, tha nooas," Ah replahd. "If tha gate ter know Ah'd won a fahver tha'd sooin be 'owdin thi 'and aat."

Onnyrooad, Ah switched t' telly off an' gate daan ter t' bookies ter put me bets on, then Ah slipped inta t' club fer a quick pahnt afooar t' dinner.

Ethel usually gooas aat winda-shoppin' wi' one of 'er mates on Satdy afternooins, but shoo wer stoppin' in fer a change as Ah settled daan ter wetch t' racin'.

Mi first 'orse went daan bi sooa much it maht still be runnin', an' yar Ethel looked up fra 'er knittin' an' laughed lahke a drain.

"Come on then, let's see wat tha can do, seein' as tha'r sooa clever," Ah telled 'er. "If tha can pick one ter beeat mahne, Ah'll gie thee a quid."

Ethel looked daan t' list o' th' 'orses an' sed shoo'd 'ave Mooar Dash Ner Cash. "That's me to a T just naah," shoo sed.

An' blow me if 'er nag din't romp wom baat onny bother, wi' mahne strugglin' lahke billyoh at t' back.

"Tha sees naah," shoo sed, wi' a face lahke a rahsin' sun. "Tha can save thissen awl that tahme an' trouble gooin' through t' papers. Ah'll pick thee some 'orses next Satdy awlreight fer a paand a tahme, o' cooars!"


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