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Yorkshire Dialect: Flaid Abaat Wat's Safe ter Eyt an' Sup

Mike Shaw's Yorkshire characters discuss healthy eating.

Wen Ah gate ter t' club a few neets back Ah fun Jack Bamforth an' Jooa Sykes talkin' in a corner abaat awl thees 'ealth scares.

"We're at a noit an' reight wen fowk are flaid ter t' deeath abaat wat's safe ter eyt an' sup," sed Jack. " Ah've nivver known owt lahke it i' mi lahfe. Ommost ivvery paper an' magazine tha picks up 'as summat in abaat diets for this, that an' t' other."

Jooa gate on abaat a prooagramme 'e'd seen on telly abaat mad cow disease. "If tha believes wat some o' thees sooa-called experts say, ther could be thaasands o' fowk wi' it afooar long," 'e sed.

Ah took a swig o' mi pahnt an' telled 'em Ah'd geen up tekkin' onny nooatice o' thees tales. "We're awl baan ter dee sometahme an' Ah'm, 'anged if Ah'm baan ter live lahke a monk ter trah an' mek mi tahme spin aat a bit," Ah sed.

"If tha believes ivverythin' they say tha wouldn't eyt eggs, fatty bacon an' a lot mooar besahdes. Ther's nowt Ah lahke better ner a couple o' rashers o' womfed bacon wi' a free-range egg fer mi breakfast. But thees medical men reckon it clogs up thi arteries.

"An' if tha'r daft enough ter sup green top milk tha maht as well start mekkin' thi funeral arrangements onnytahme."

Jooa Sykes nodded i' agreement an' sed sumdy'd spent a looad o' brass ter fahnd aat 'at childer 'at supped a lot o' milk 'ad getten stronger booanes ner them 'at din't.

"We could 'ave saved 'em awl that tahme an' money, cos onnybody wi' a 'ayporth o common sense ud nooa that," 'e added.

Jack sed if we took nooatice of 'is doctor we'd awl be a lot better off eytin' lahke monkeys, on a diet o' bananas, lettuce an' peynuts.

"Yus, but if tha listens ter wat yond doctor across t' valley sez, that's awl a lot o' codswallop," Ah replahd. "It's t' same as Ah've been sayin' fer yeears. If tha'r put in a room wi hauf a dozen doctors ter examine thee, tha'll get seven different opinions abaat wat's wrang wi' thee!"


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