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Yorkshire Dialect: Foxing Feline Marauders

Worms that glow in the dark? Just the thing for the beleaguered gardener, as Mike Shaw reveals.

Cos it wer such grand weather ovver Easter, yar Ethel nattered an' nattered at me ter get some gardenin' done. T' vegetable patch in t' back garden wer number one priority, sooa Ah gate that dug ovver an' put a few taities in.

Just as Ah wer finishin' off Ethel cums aat ter gie it a coit o lookin' ovver, as usual. "Wat atta bairn ter plant 'ere besahdes thi taities?" shoo asked. 'Ther's plenty o' room fer summat else."

"Ah thowt Ah maht grow some cabbage, cauli an' beetroot," Ah replahd, "but it's a bit too sooin fer them yet."

"Ah suppoase it's just a coincidence 'at them 'appen ter be thar favourites," shoo replahd. "T leeast tha can do is plant a few rows o' peys. Ther's nowt tastes better wi' a joint o' lamb ner new taities an' peys."

"Well, Ah can put a couple o' rows in, but ivvery tahme Ah've grown 'em afooar t' bloomin' cats 'ave scratted 'em awl up."

Ah wer tellin' Jack Bamforth awl abaat it wen Ah scuttled aat o' t' rooad last Tuesday fer a walk on t' tops wi' 'im. "Well, Ah must admit 'at Ah lahke peys wi' a bit o'lamb missen," 'e sed as we walked past a field full o' sheep.

Ah looked ovver t' wall inta t' field an' sed ter Jack, "Them theer lambs look a funny colour ter me," just as t' farmer drew up in 'is Land Rover.

"Ah wer just ellin' mi mate 'at them lambs are a funny colour," Ah sed.

"Aye, it's summat new we're trahin' aat," 'e explained. "We coit 'em wi' this fluorescent spray sooa they glow at neet an' keep foxes away. Ther's been summat in t' papers abaat it."

"By gum, that's a reight gooid idea," Ah replahd. "Ah dooan't suppoase tha's a bit left ovver at' tha cud let me 'ave? Ah cud dig up a jarful o' worms in t' back garden an' gie 'em a gooid spray," Ah sed ter Jack. "T' cats'll get a nasty shock an' reight wen they see glow-worms wrigglin' abaat raand t' peys!"


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