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Yorkshire Dialect: Undies

Mike Shaw's dialect tale involves garments for the nether regions.

Ah thowt we weren't baan ter get onny summer this year, but sumdy put some coll on t' fahre an' reight last week.

"T' trouble is we're nooan used ter 'eat lahke this," grumbled yar Ethel, sitting 'ersen dan on t' garden bench an' whahpin' t' sweeat off 'er foreyed.

"It's nooan that bad," Ah replahd as Ah took a swig o' shandy. "Ah can stand plenty o' this afooar Ah start complainin'."

"Awl Ah can say is tha must 'ave ice i' thi veins asteead o' blood," Ethel replahd. "An, seein' as we're on t' subject, Ah nooatice tha's still getten thi long johns on. Tha wears 'em ommost awl t' yeear raand naahdays an' they're gettin' varry thin. Ah reckon 'at tha should 'ave a couple o' vests and two pairs o' underpants fer summer, sooa Ah'll get thee some wen Ah gooa ter taan termorra."

"Pleease thissen, but Ah dooan't think it's worth it missen wen we get sooa little summer," Ah replahd.

Onnyrooad, wen shoo landed back fra 'er shoppin' trip t' day afta, shoo rummaged through 'er bags ter get thees vests an' underpants aat.

"They look a bit on t' small sahde ter me, sooa Ah'd better trah 'em on fer sahze," Ah sed.

"Nowt o' t' sooart, they're large sahze sooa they're bund ter fit. An' Ah dooan't know wat we'll atta do if they dooan't, cos Ah've gooan an' lost t' bloomin' receipt," shoo sed.

Off Ah went upsteears ter get changed, but Ah maht just as weel nooan 'ave bothered. Wen Ah gat back daansteears Ethel looked as though shoo'd seen a ghooast as Ah stood theer i' front on 'er.

"Sithee, Ah telled thee they wer ter small," Ah sed. "T' bloomin' vest nobbut comes daan ter mi belly-button an' th' underpants are ommust cuttin' me i' two. Nivver mahnd, lass. Ah'll carry on as Ah am wi' mi long johns, an' Ah reckon t' other lot needn't be wasted.

"Th' underpants look as though they'll fit thee lahke a glove, an' t' vests'll come in fer dish claats. That's reight gooid value fer money if tha asks me!"


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