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Yorkshire Dialect: A Varry Rare Kahnd o Poultry Indeed

Some folk derive more pleasure from reading the adverts in newspapers than they do from the news, as Mike Shaw's dialect tale reveals.

Yar Ethel an' 'er cousin Jane went ovver ter Leeds last Satdy ter do a bit o' fancy shoppin', an' shoo browt back a looacal paper shoo'd bowt whahle they wer theer.

Afta teea shoo gate t' weshin' up done an' settled daan in t' front o' t' fahre wi' t' paper, whahle Ah stooaked up mi pahpe an' wer lookin' through th' Examiner.

"By gum, ther's some pages in 'ere an' reight," shoo sed, oppenin' it up. "It'll tek me awl neet just abaat ter get through th' adverts, nivver 'eed owt else."

"They maht just as weel nooan bother puttin' onny news in t' paper fer thee," Ah replahd. "Ah've nivver known onnybody 'at reeads awl th' adverts same as thee. It wouldn't be ser bad if tha intended bahin' owt, but it's nobbut once in a blue mooin 'at tha does."

Ethel gave me one of 'er nasty looks an' sed: "They're t' mooast interestin' part o' t' paper ter me, especially some o' t' stuff 'at's up fer sale. Tha nivver knows wat tha'r baan ter come across, especially in some o' t' small adverts. Ah'm just gooin' through t' lahvestock an' pets naah," shoo sed. "Ther's nearly allis summat unusual i' theer."

Ah puffed away on mi pahpe fer a bit an' then Ah asked Ethel if ther wer onny Heinz terriers fer sale.

"Tha can't catch me wi' that owd chestnut," shoo replahd. "Ah weren't born yesterday, tha knows, an' Ah've been araand long enuf ter know tha means a mongrel amang 5 7 varieties. Onnyrooad, seein as tha'r such a clivver clogs, tha can tell me wat sooart o' poultry a BSA bantam is. It must be summat varry rare cos they want a 'undred an' fifty paand fer it."

"Oh, aye, it's varry rare awlreight," Ah answered. "Sooa rare, i' fact, 'at ther's nooan monny motor-bahkes lahke that araand thees days!"

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