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Yorkshire Dialect: E-mail is Nowt ter do wi' t' Pooast

Mike Shaw's dialect characters fail to get to grips with new technology.

Awl this new-fangled technology's beyond me, an' Ah reckon Ah've getten ter th' age wheer Ah'll nivver catch up wi' it.

"Tha can't teeach an owd dog new tricks," Ah telled Jack Bamforth an Jooa Sykes ovver a pahnt at t' club. "Wat chance 'ave t' lahkes of us ter pick onny of it up, wen even t' young uns can't keep pace wi' awl t' changes?

"Ah've nobbut just getten th' 'ang o' usin' t' bloomin' telephone, 'n naw nowt abaat these faxes an' watnot."

Jack sed 'e'd learned a thing or two fra watchin' 'is son workin' on 'is computer at wom. "Some of it's nooan awl that difficult, but t' trouble is 'at awl th' equipment costs a small fortune," 'e telled us.

"Tha could bah two or three tellies fer wat it costs ter get one o' them word processors."

Jooa admitted 'e wer baffled bi awl thees fancy phrases they used on TV proagrammes when fowk wer invahted ter contact t' BBC. "Ah can't mek yed ner tail on it," 'e sed. "Wat's this ere E-mail 'at they keep gooin' on abaat? Awl t' pooastman bring us are th' ordinary letters."

"Nay, it's nowt ter do wi' t' pooast," explained Jack. "It's a message tha can send through one o' thees new machines."

Turnin' ter me, 'e sed, "Afooar long, your Ethel win't 'ave ter bother abaat gooin' aat shoppin'. Shoo'll be able ter do it on TV."

"That'll goat daan lahke a lead weight," Ah replahd. "A shoppin' trip's one o' th' 'ighlights o' t' week fer Ethel.

"If we carry on at thi rate Ah reckon we can solve traffic problems in a yeear to two. Nubdy'll be gooin' ter work cos they'll awl be too busy at wom watchin' telly an' pressin' buttons lahke a looad o' robots."


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