Yorkshire Dialect: Classroom Comic
What three inventions have helped man to get up in the world? For the answers do read Mike Shaw's latest dialect tale.
Jooa Sykes, Jack Bamforth an' me wer 'avin' a stroll in t' sunshane last week an' talkin' abaat th' owd days at t' same tahme.
Wen we wer walkin' past t' schooil Jack recalled yar 'eadmaster, who wer well know for lahkin' ter use 'is cane.
"Ther wer nooa talkin' in class wen 'e wer tekkin' t' lesson," sed Jack. "Looads on us gate t' blackbooard rubber chucked at us cos we'd been caught whisperin' ter one another. An' if ther wer onny monkey wark 'e'd sooin march thee off ter 'is room fer six o' t' best."
Ah tuk mi pahpe aat an' remarked, "They're nooan allowed t' use t' cane naahdays, tha nooas. In fact, ther's nooan much teychers can do ter troublemakers except send 'em wom, an' a lot on 'em prefer that ter beein' at schooil."
Jooa telled us 'e'd been fair capped wen 'e yerd on telly 'at a lot o' youngish fowk thees days couldn't add up reight.
"We'd ter recite us tahmes tables till we knew 'em off bi 'eart," 'e sed.
"Aye, but Ah'd still a job ter do mental arithmetic," Ah admitted.
"Ah wer bad enuf, but Willie Dyson wer even war. Ah dooan't think 'e ivver gate a sum reight. But 'e wer as sharp as a knahfe wi' an answer o' some sooart. Ah'm nooan capped 'e went on t' stage as a comedian wen 'e grew up.
"Ah remember t' tahme 'e wer asked wat we would get if we multiplahed seven bi six, an' baat a second's 'esitation 'e sed, 'A bloomin' 'eadache!
"It wer t' same wen t' teycher wanted ter know three inventions 'at 'ad 'elped man get up in t' world. Quick as a flash Willie raplahd, 'A lift, an elevator an' th' alarm clock!'"
