Yorkshire Dialect: A Bitter Reminder
In Mike Shaw's latest dialect tale yar Ethel finds she's made a terrible mistake when she starts to suck a "sweet''.
Yar Ethel's decahded 'at t' warm weather's ovver naah, sooa shoo's been busy gettin' awl us summer clooathes ready fer 'angin' i' t' wardrooabe fer t' winter.
"Ah'll put 'em on t' spare bed fer t' tahme beein', cos Ah've getten a bag o' mothballs somewheer but Ah just can't put mi 'ands on 'em," shoo sed last Satdy. "In t' meeantahme tha can get awl thi summer socks an' shirts tergether ready fer puttin' away," shoo nattered. "That is, wen tha can drag thissen awy fra t' paper fer fahve minnits. Ah dooan't know wat tha fahnds ter reead i' theer awl that tahme."
"Ah'm studying form, if tha must know," Ah replahd. "Th' 'orse racin' seeason ovver t' sticks 'as just started an' Ah lahke a bit of a flutter wen it's on telly."
T' next day Ethel we' still witterin' on abaat 'er lost mothballs whahle shoo wer mekkin t' Sunday dinner. "Ah know Ah put 'em somewheer safe. T' trouble is 'at Ah can 'eck as lahke remember wheer t' safe spot is," shoo sed later, as Ah wer wetchin' telly.
Ah musta nodded off in t' cheear, cos t' next thing Ah knew Ethel wer shakin' me ter see wat Ah wanted fer t' teea.
Wen we'd getten t' teea ovver shoo scurried raand ter do t' weshin' up afooar shoo went ter t' chapel. Bi t' tahme shoo'd getten 'eersen changed it wer tahme shoo wer on 'er way, but just as shoo gate ter t' front dooar shoo came rushin' back in.
"Wat wi' one thing an' another Ah ommost fergate mi mints ter suck durin' t' service," shoo chuntered, as shoo grabbed t' paper bag fra behand t' sahdebooard clock.
Ah gate settled daan ter wetch Coronation Street an' Ah'd switched ovver to a prooagramme abaat t' Crimean War wen Ethel arrahved back fra t' chapel in a reight state.
"Let me 'ave a bahte of an apple sithee, afooar Ah do owt else," shoo sed, pickin' one up aat o' t' fruit bowl.
"Wat's up, 'as t' sermon left a nasty taste i' thi maath?" Ah asked wi' a grin.
"Nay, but t' bloomin' mothballs 'ave," shoo spluttered. "Ah fun aat wheer Ah'd put 'em wen Ah popped one in mi maath aat o' yond bag Ah thowt 'ad mi mints in!"
