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Yorkshire Dialect: Leead Us Not Inta Temptation Nah, Sithee Vicar

Choice is a fine thing, as Mike Shaw's latest dialect tale reveals.

Ther wer a reight gang on us turned up at t' barber's awl at t' same tahme t' other day.

"Ey up, t' natives are stirrin' an' reight," jooaked t' barber. "It's just lahke D-Day in 'ere wi' an invasion lahke Ah've getten on mi 'ands."

Hauf a dozen on us wer sat araand waitin', sooa we'd plenty o' tahme fer a gossip an' Jooa Sykes telled us e'd been ter church fer a change.

"Me an' t' missus went ter t' Motherin' Day service last Sunday mornin' cos one o' t' grandchilder wer givin' a reeadin'," 'e sed. "Ah think t' Vicar felt a bit lahke yar barber wen we awl turned up. Fra wat they sed, 'e's nooan used ter gettin' mooar ner a couple o' dozen theer, but it wer ommost a full haas on Sunday.

"'E gate inta a bit of a flap at one stage wen 'e lost 'is place in th' Holy Book wahle reeadin' t' lesson, but it din't mek a lot o' difference cos bi' that tahme Ah think mooast on us wer noddin' off.

"That's t' trouble wi' gooin' ter church, tha nooas. Once they've getten thee theer they're beggars fer not wantin' ter let thee gooa. Wat wi' one thing an' another lahke dishin' aat bunches o' flaars fer t' mothers, we wer theer fer ovver an haar an' a hauf.

"Awl t' singin' left mah maath as drah as sandpaper, sooa Ah'd ter pop straight inta t' Rooase an' Craan ter wet mi whistle."

Jack Bamforth sed that remahnded 'im of that tahme wen t' looacal Vicar accepted an invitation ter t' cricket club's annual dinner monny yeears back. They'd 'ad th' ale in a gret big jug on t' table i' them days, an' t' secretary asked t' Vicar if 'e'd 'ave a drink o' beer.

"Oh, no thank you," t' Vicar replahd. "I'd rather commit adultery than drink."

Wen Sam Whitwam yerd that, 'e put daan 'is ale an' whispered to 'is mate, "By gum, Ah wish Ah'd known. Ah'd nooa idea we'd getten a choice."


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