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Yorkshire Dialect: Scenting A Smart Idea

The advice delivered at a chapel guild meeting can sometimes surprise, as Mike Shaw's dialect tale reveals.

Afta listenin' ter yar Ethel rabbitin' on awl day abaat one thing an' another, it's fair grand ter get a bit o' peace an' quahrt naah an' ageean.

"Ah'm nooan surprahsed looads o' women want ter get inta awther Parliament or t' pulpit." Ah teller 'er t' other day. "Ah reckon it must be summat in ther blood 'at gives 'em t' gift o' t' gab. They can't awl 'ave kissed t' Blarney Stooane, surely."

"It's t' menfowk ter blame fer keepin' us chained ter t' kitchen sink an' t' washtub fer sooa long," Ethel replahd. "Wen we manage ter escape naahdays we sooart o' mek up fer it."

Onnyrooad, Ah knew Ah'd be nahce an' quahrt fer a few haars afta teea cos it wer Ethel's neet fer a guild meetin' at t' chapel.

Wen Ah mentioned t' meetin' ter Ethel, shoo sed Ah'd remahnded 'er ter set off fahve or ten minnits sooiner ner usual. "T' speyker's a woman 'at's given' us a talk on flaar arrangin'," shoo explained, "ah' that's allis a popular do."

Shoo gate 'er at an' coit on at just turned seven an' it wer ommost ten o'clock afooar shoo gate back.

"Wer it as good as tha expected then?" Ah asked, an shoo replahd 'at it wer one o' t' best talks they'd ivver 'ad.

"Wen shoo'd done tuthri arrangements shoo gave us a few tips abaat stuff in' general," sed Ethel. "Fer instance, shoo telled us not ter chuck us empty scent bottles away but ter use 'em ter keep us clooathes smellin' nahce an' fresh.

"Shoo sed if we tek t' tops off an' put t' bottles in us drawers we'd be fair capped wat a difference it'd mek."

"Ah should think it would," Ah replahd, trahin' ter keep a straight face. "Sooa fra naah on thee an' awl thi mates'll 'ave drawers smeelin' lahke rooases."


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