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Yorkshire Dialect: Butcher's Banter

Mike Shaw tells of a butcher whose sense of humour is as sharp as his knives.

Ah'm one o' them fowk at's awl i' favour o' givin' custom ter looacal shops.

"If tha dun't use 'em tha'll looise 'em," is wat Ah say.

A lot o' thees comers-in dooan't 'elp, cos mooast on 'em seeam ter set off ter t' supermarket an' come back wi' enough grub ter last 'em a fortneet.

Daan at t' supermarket tha'r nowt but a number an' tha dun't get that personal touch same as in t' village shops. Ah lahke ter tek mi tahme if Ah gooa shoppin', asteead o' bein' pushed an' shoved at t' check-aat lahke a reluctant heifer.

Ah fair look forrard ter poppin' inta t' paper shop or t' baker's an' 'avin' a chat wi' whoever's servin' me. Ah can allis reckon on a bit o' banter, especially wi' Dan O' Jack's i' t' butcher's. He's a reight card, just lahke 'is father afooar 'im.

Mahnd thee, it dun't suit ivverybody. Even yar Ethel's nooan ser keen on Dan an' 'is bit o' fun.

"E'd do a lot better ter concentrate on wat 'e's dooin'," shoo sed t' other day. "Wi' t' tahme 'e teks ter serve fowk, it's nopa wonder they're allis queuein' aat o' t' dooar."

"Nay, 'e can't do enough fer fowk, that's 'is trouble," Ah replahd. "E just lahkes 'is customers ter be satisfahd."

Ethel wer gooin' daan ter t' butcher's t' same day, sooa Ah sed Ah'd walk daan wi' 'er an' get some baccy. Ah stood i' t' doorway o' t' butcher's whahle shoo wer' gettin' served an' Ah yerd 'er ask Dan fer a couple o' pork chops. "An mek 'em lean," shoo added, givin' 'im a reight frosty stare.

"Certainly, Ethel," Dan chortled. "Which way?"

"Sithee," Ah sed from wheer Ah were proppin' up t' dooar. "Din't Ah tell thee 'e allis lahkes 'is customers ter get exactly wat they want!"


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