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Yorkshire Dialect: Ethelís Big Ideas Arenít Fittiní

Ethel's big ideas for Christmas would challenge Santa's carrying capacity, as Mike Shaw's dialect tale reveals.

Wi awl that cowd weather we 'ad last week, me an' yar Ethel spent a lot o' tahme i' front o' t' telly. Mahnd thee, mooast o' wat they put aat in t' day tahme's a looad o' rubbish, Ah reckon. Even though we've getten fahve channels naah, t' majority o' t' stuff's nooan worth wetchin'.

Ah've been wetchin' Yorkshire TV clooasely fer a week or two cos Ah'm stuck wat ter get Ethel fer Kersmuss. If ther's an advert fer summat Ah reckon maht be suitable, Ah've med some comment or other ó
casually, lahke ó ter see if Ethel fancied it.

Fer instance, ther wer an advert fer Thornton's chocolates t' other neet, sooa Ah sed ter Ethel: "Them chocolates saand varry gooid, dun't ter think?".

But Ah drew a blank theer wen shoo replahd: "Nay, Ah think Ah've lost mah sweet tooith, cos Ah can't get enthusiastic abaat chocolate naahdays."

That ruled aat awl Cadbury's adverts on Coronation Street an' awl, sooa Ah switched tack wen Ah spotted a bloke on t' screen praisin' a bottle o' sherry.

Ah wer shot daan ageean wen Ah mentioned it, though, cos Ethel sed shoo'd getten two or three bottles tucked away somewheer.

Bi this tahme Ah wer beginnin' ter wonder whether shoo'd twigged on ter wat Ah wer up to. Ah wer even mooar suspicious wen shoo sed shoo din't falicy a pair o'-nance fleecy slippers, cos shoo's allis on abaat 'er cowd feet i' winter.

Then up popped an advert fer three-piece suites. An', dosta know, Ethel fair rubbed 'er 'ands at that an' sed: "Nah then, that's summat Ah really would lahke."

"Yus, Ah daresay tha would," Ah replahd. "But Ah'm thinkin' Kersmuss presents, not a bloomin' lottery bid. Besahdes, it'd nooan fit i' Santa's sack!"

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