Yorkshire Dialect: Football's a Turn-Off
..."Talkin' abaat once a yeear, Messiah seeason'll be startin' onnytahme but Ah've nooan yerd wen they're doin' it at t' chapel."...
Mike Shaw's "hero'' reluctantly faces up to a seasonal chore.
Thees 'ere long neets 'at we've getten naah are nowt i' mah lahne, especially wen ther in't owt worth wetchin on telly.
Cooarse, Ah pop daan ter t' club a couple o' neets a week fer a game o' doms an' a pahnt or two. But at wom Ah usually put mi feet up in front o' t' fahre an', afta Ah've finished reeadin' th' Examiner, mooar often ner not Ah nod off fer hauf an haar or sooa.
On Bonfahre Neet Ah wer fast off afta Emmerdale wen Ah woke up wi' a reight start as fahreworks wer bangin' an' crackin'. "It's a poor do wen a chap can't 'ave fooarty winks i' peace," Ah sed, trahin' ter get settled daan ageean.
"Tha'r nowt but an owld killjoy'" yar Ethel replahd whahle shoo gate on wi' 'er knittin'. "It ooanly comes raand once a yeear, sooa tha can't begrudge young uns ther bit o' fun.
"Talkin' abaat once a yeear, Messiah seeason'll be startin' onnytahme but Ah've nooan yerd wen they're doin' it at t' chapel."
"Oh 'eck, tha'r nooan baan ter drag me aat ter yer that ageean, atta?" Ah asked.
"Yus, Ah mooast certainly am," shoo replahd. "Yar Kate's lass is in t' choir naah, sooa tha's a duty ter be theer, whether tha lahkes it or not.
Onnyrooad, tha'r allis grumblin' abaat 'avin' nowt ter do in th' evenins, sooa it'll be a change for thee."
"If it's mah duty ter listen ter Messiah Ah reckon it's thahn ter wetch yond
prooagramme 'at's comin' up on telly abaat th' England fooitball teeam wen they won t' World Cup i' 1966," Ah chuntered.
"An' dooan't say tha's seen it afooar. Appens tha 'as, but tha's a long way ter gooa ter catch up wi' t' sixty-fahve tahmes Ah've sat through Messiah!"
