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Yorkshire Dialect: Fahndin' a Cure fer t' Bedtahme Blues

A remedy for sleeplessness brings a new problem as Mike Shaw's dialect tale reveals.

Ah wer tellin' mi mate, Jack Bamforth, t' other day abaat t' trouble Ah've been 'avin' gettin' ter sleep at neet.

"Dosta know, until naah Ah've nivver 'ad onny bother droppin' off," Ah sed. "But, awl on a sudden, Ah've fun missen tossin' an' turnin' lahke a frog in a fit fer haars on end. It's getten sooa bad 'at yar Ethel's mooanin' summat shockin' cos shoo sez Ah'm disturbin' 'er afta shoo's getten ter sleep."

Jack studied fer a minnit as we strolled along ter t' pooast office, cos 'e's nivver been one fer jumpin' in wi' booath feet. Then 'e replahd: "Asta trahd caantin' sheep? Some fowk reckon that's a gooid thing ter do, but Ah prefer ter mek sure Ah get a neetcap. If Ah've 'ad tuthri pahnts at t' club Ah'm as reight as a bobbin. An' if Ah stop in Ah treeat missen ter a little nip o' whisky t' last thing."

"By gum, that saands a gooid idea," Ah sed. "Ah think Ah'll trah it aat an' see aah Ah gooa on."

Tuthri days at afta Ah met up wi' Jack ageean on mi way ter t' barber's, an' t' first thing 'e did wer ask if Ah wer sleepin' onny better.

"Well, Ah trahd caantin' sheep, but that din't work, an' Ah mentioned thi whisky remedy, but Ethel wer 'avin' nooan o' that," Ah replahd. "Sooa, asteead o' whisky, Ah've tekken ter suppin' a mug o' Horlicks hauf an haar or sooa afooar bedtahme."

"An' 'as it sent thee off ter sleep awlreight?" asked Jack.

"Dosta know, it's worked wonders," Ah sed. "Ah'm droppin' off ornmost as sooin as mi yed touches t' pilla. "Th' ooanly trouble is 'at Ethel's getten 'er 'air off an' reight naah cos shoo sez Ah'm keepin' 'er wakken hauf o' t' neet wi' mi snooarin!"


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