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Yorkshire Dialect: Bags o' Brass

Mike Shaw's dialect tale features a canny farmer and his rainy-day savings.

It wer New Year's Day an' yar Ethel wer gooin' on at breakfast tahme abaat resolutions shoo'd med. "Fer one thing, Ah'm baan ter start puttin' a quid a week away fer 'oliday spendin' brass," shoo sed. "Ah've getten a couple o' paand left ovver fra Kersmuss, sooa Ah'll pop it in this 'ere jam jar an' put t' top back on. An' dooan't start thinkin' tha can 'elp thissen, cos Ah'm baan ter put it somewheer aat o' t' rooad wheer tha can't fahnd it."

Ah finished off mi piece o' tooast as Ethel put t' jam jar in 'er pinny pocket whahle shoo wer clearin' t' table. "Tha's nooa need ter bother abaat me gettin' mi 'ands on it," Ah replahd. "But tha'd be sluffed an' reight if we'd a break-in an' sumdy pinched t' lot. Fowk dooan't keep mich brass at wom naahdays, cos tha nivver knows wen we maht be burgled.

"Did Ah ivver tell thee yond tale abaat Willie Albert Quarmby, a farmer ovver i' Holmfirth, 'at nivver used a bank or a buildin' society? 'E stashed it awl away at wom until 'e wer sittin' next ter t' bank manager at t' farmers' dinner.

"This 'ere banker gate on abaat money bein' pinched fra fowk's haases, an' 'e eventually talked Willie Albert inta puttin' 'is brass inta t' bank. Sooa, next day Willie Albert turned up at t' bank wi' 'is missus, who wer carryin' a gret big bag.

"T' bank manager came aat an' ushered 'em inta 'is prahvate office, wheer Willie Albert 'anded t' bag ovver an' whispered 'at ther wer ten thaasand quid in it.

"Sooa t' manager sent fer 'is assistant, emptied t' brass aat o' t' bag an' they caanted it aat. Wen they'd done, t' manager 'ad a puzzled look on 'is face an' telled Willie Albert ther wer nob-but fahve thaasand paand, not ten.

"Straightaway Willie Albert turned on 'is wahfwe sittin' next ter 'im an' barked: Ah telled thi wen we set off 'at tha'd getten wrang bag!"


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