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Yorkshire Dialect: Cuttin' Staff Reight Daan Ter t' Booane

Mike Shaw's dialect-speaking characters reflect on the consequences of an outbreak of 'flu.

Me an' Jack Bamforth gate daan ter t' club t' other neet at abaat eight o' clock, an' ther weren't a soul theer except t' steward. We kept expectin' tuthri of us mates ter walk in, but nooan of 'em did, an' wen nahne o' clock came raand ther wer nobbut us an' Eddie France trahin' us best ter make a pahnt spin aat.

"Dosta reckon they're awl savin' up fer Kersmuss or wat?" Ah asked Jack. "It's a bit of a beggar wen it gets ter this tahme an' we've nooan even enough fer a game o' doms. "Ah know brass is a bit shooart, but tha'd think it's gooan aat o' fashion wi' this miserable turn-up."

"Nay, it's nooan bund ter bi a shortage o' brass 'at's keepin' 'em at wom," replahd Jack. "Appen they've awl getten a dooase o' this flu 'at's gooin' raand. At leeast, Ah should be awlreight cos Ah've 'ad an anti-flu jab at t' doctor's. It caps me whah mooar owd fowk dooan't 'ave 'em."

"Well, ther's one 'ere 'at's nooan baan ter be pricked, Ah can tell thee," Ah sed firmly. "Ah've nobbut 'ad it done once, a few yeaars back. Ah wer poorly fer a week at afta, then begum if Ah weren't i' bed awl over Kersmuss sufferin' fra t' bloomin' flu."

"Yus, it awl depends wat sooart o' flu's gooin' raand," sed Eddie. "Tha sees, ther's Asian flu, Beijing flu, an' a few mooar strains besahdes. T' missus reckons it's spreeadin' raand t' schooil faster ner a looad o' fleas, an' shoo sez some o' t' buses wer missin' last week cos t' drahvers wer poorly wi' it.

"A mate o' mahne sed it's tekken owld awl ovver. Accoardin' ter 'im, it's even affectin' th' undertakers. 'E telled me ther's a nooatice up in t' chapel o' rest 'at sez: "We apologise for any delays, but because of flu we are working with a skeleton staff!"


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