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Yorkshire Dialect: Joe And His Big Mouth

Poor Joe has bellywark, as Mike Shaw reveals in his latest dialect tale.

Me an' awl mi mates wer 'avin' a reight gooid natter at t' club t'other neet abaat aah mich better Taan fooitballers are dooin'. Jooa Sykes were just sayin' wat a change this new manager'd made wen 'e'd ter mek a quick dash fer t' toilet.

That wer abaat fourth tahme insahde hauf an haar, sooa wen 'e came back Ah asked 'im if 'e wer awlreight.

"Ter tell thee t' truth, Ah'm fair unda t' weather terday," 'e confessed, clutchin' 'is belly. "Ah've getten t' runs an' reight. Ah'd ter get up in t' neet an' Ah've been badly ivver sin'. That's whah Ah'm ooanly suppin' a tonic watter."

"Appens it's summat tha 'ad yusterday," Ah sed. "Let's see, weren't it thi owd firm's Kersmuss party fer pensioners? Knowin' thee, tha'd be dooin' thi fair share of eytin' an' suppin', seein' as it wer awl free, an' tha'r payin' t'prahce fer it nah.

"Tha owt ter know us owd uns can't do t' same as we could fifty yeears back, mich as we'd lahke to."

Jooa wer 'avin' nooan o' that, though. 'E reckoned 'e'd been varry moderate, but it din't saand lahke it wen 'e towld me wat 'e'd 'ad.

"We nobbut 'ad t' usual turkey an' trimmins fer dinner, followed bi Kersmuss puddin' an' mince pahs," 'e replahd. "O' cooarse, it wer weshed daan wi' a few pahnts o' best bitter, an then we'd a varry nahce liqueur ter finish off."

"Well, that saands enough ter give an elephant t' belly wark, owt abaat an' owld codger lahke thee," Ah telled 'im. "Tha must admit, tha'd ovverdone things a bit."

But Jooa stuck to 'is guns an' sed 'e felt perfectly awlreight wen they 'ad a few games o' dominoes in th' afternooin.

Awl on a sudden 'e sat up straight an' sed, "Ah bet Ah know wat caused it, an' it wer nowt ter do wi' t' Kersmuss party. Ah knew Ah shouldn't 'ave etten yond gobstopper 'at Willie Bray persuaded me ter 'ave on t' way wom!"


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