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Yorkshire Dialect: 'Ow t' Barber Gets Jack's 'air Off

Mike Shaw's dialect tale tells of a question from the Prime Minister.

Jack Bamforth, Jooa Sykes an' me wer sayin' aah quahrt it wer i' t' village wen we met up at t' pooast office t' other day.

"It's just lahke it used ter be wen awl t' mills shut daan tergether fer a week's 'oliday," Ah reckoned. "Ah thowt some on 'em kept oppen awl t' tahme naahdays, but tha wouldn't think sooa wen tha looks raand.

"It's just lahke a ghoost taan, but it's an ill wind 'at blows nubdy onny good. 'Appen' t' barber's shop'll be empty, an' Ah need a bit of a trim."
Jack an' Jooa sed they were due fer a 'aircut an' awl, sooa awl three on us strolled on ter t' barber's.

T' barber wer reeadin' t' paper on 'is ooan i' t' shop, sooa Jack went straight inta t' cheear, sayin', "That's wat Ah call service."

"Talkin' abaat service, aah did ter get on i' London just afta Ah cut thi 'air a few weeks back?" asked t' barber.

"Oh, we'd a reight good do," Jack replahd. "It wer nobbut a couple o' days, tha nooas, but we managed ter see plenty o' spots we'd nooan been to afooar.

"We 'ad a booattrip up ter Kew Gardens an' one t'other way ter see aal they're gettin' on wi' t' Millennium Dome."

T' barber gave a snooart o' disgust an' sed 'e reckoned t' Dome wer a waste o' brass an' would be nowt but a whahte elephant.

Jack's a reight Labour man, an' Ah could see 'e wer gettin' 'is air off, as tha maht say, wen t' barber sed t' Government's priorities wer awl wrang.

"Well, Ah 'appened ter bump inta Tony Blair whahle we wer theer an' 'e telled me wat a wonderful experience it's baan ter be," sed Jack sharply.

"Nay, Jack, pull t'other un, it's getten bells on," replahd t' barber sarcastically. "Tha dun't expect me ter believe tha'd a conversation wi' t' Prahme Minister, dosta?"

"Yus," sed Jack, "e came ower ter wheer we wer standin', shook mi 'and an' sed, 'Very nice to see you. But tell me, where on earth did you get that blooming awful haircut?'"


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