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Yorkshire Dialect: Restin' Place

Mike Shaw's characters discuss their preferences for a final rest

Three of us wer aat walkin' on th' edge o' t' moors t' other day wen we stopped fer a breeather on a wooden seeat. Fra wheer we wer tha could see ter Marsden one way and t' Uddersfield t' other.

"That view teks a bit o' lickin'," Ah sed. "A lot o' fowk fra daan saath say t' scenery raand 'ere is ommost as good as Switzerland."

"Aye, Ah reckon they're reight an' awl," Jooa replahd. "If Ah 'ad mah way wen Ah pop mi clogs Ah'd be buried up 'ere."

"T' trouble is tha'd nooan ger permission, " Ah sed. "Onnyrooad, Ellen ud nooan gooa along wi' that if shoo wer still livin'."

"Appens tha'r reight," Jooa admitted. "But Ah think it's a good idea ter mek thi own funeral arrangements in advance then fowk know wheer they stand."

"Tha meeans lahke yond undertaker fra Linfit called Varley abaat twenty yeears back," Ah recalled. "E wrote it awl daan fer 'em sooa there'd be nooa mistek.

"Ah remember 'im mekkin' 'is own coffin, tha knows. It took 'im a 'eck of a long tahme cos 'e started wi' a lump of oak straight fra t' tree. 'E cut it awl aat hissen wi' a mallet an' chisel, an ivvery naah an' ageean 'e clahmbed in ter see if it wer a good fit. Wen it wer finished it wer a reight work of art, wi' brass 'andles an' t' lot. An' 'e wer as praad as Punch of it."

Jooa reckoned it wer nowt but a waste o' brass ter pay fer a fancy coffin. "Ah dooan't see t' point wen it's nobbut baan ter rot away in t' graand or gooa up i' smook if tha'r cremated," 'e added.

Jack Bamforth, who'd been keepin' varry quahrt, sed 'e wer a i' favour o' cremation, cos burials just took up a lump o' land.

"Tha's getten me thinkin' wat Ah should do," 'e sed ter Jooa. "Ah've a good mahnd ter set daan i' mi will 'at Ah want mi ashes scattered on bowlin' green."

"Nay, let's 'ave a bit o' reight." Ah chipped in. "Wi' that sooart o' fertilahser tha'd 'ave grass up to ankles i' nooa tahme. An' tha'd be unda t' bloomin', feet awl t' tahme an' awl!"


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