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Yorkshire Dialect: New-Fangled Pills

Nothing like a Viagra tablet to revivie one's interest in football. Mike Shaw tells another dialect tale.

Jack Bamforth an' a few mooar of 'em wer 'avin' a good laugh an' reight wen Ah joined 'em at t' club a few neets back.

"We wer just talkin' abaat thees new-fangled pills they've getten i' America," Jack explained.

"Tha nooas, them Viagra tablets 'at are, suppooased ter pep up thi sex lahfe.

"They're reckoned ter be sooa good 'at an owd fella can be as frisky as a young tup i' next ter nooa tahme."

Jooa Sykes sed 'e'd seen it on telly 'at tha can get 'em on t' black market ovver 'ere, even though they're suppooased ter be banned.

"It's just a pity nooan of us'll be 'ere i' fifty yeears tahme, cos Ah reckon bi then they'll 'ave fun summat ter keep us awl fit an' ealthy till we're a 'undred," 'e added.

"Not just that," sed Jack. "But wi' thees Viagra pills we'd be enjoyin' it an' awl."

Me an' 'im wer still talkin' abaat keepin' young as we walked wom. An' wen we came ter yar garden gate Jack chortled, "Good neet, Bill, an' dooan't do owt 'at Ah wouldn't do."

Wen Ah went inta t' livin' room yar Ethel sed shoo'd been noddin' off i' front o' t' telly, but shoo gate up ter get a pot o' teea an' some sweetcake fer t' supper.

Wen shoo sat daan ageean Ah towld 'er abaat t' conversation we'd 'ad at t' t' club.

"Aye, Ah saw summat i' t' paper abaat thees Viagra tablets t' other day," shoo sed, "but Ah din't tek much nooatice on it."

"Well they reckon they're positive dynamite," Ah replahd. "They can mek a chap o' seventy dooa stuff 'at 'e did wen 'e wer nobbut thirty or forty.

"If Ah can manage ter get mi 'ands on some Ah reckon Ah maht trah one or two."

Ethel looked just as if shoo'd been beaten ovver t' yed wi' a sledgehammer.

Shoo grooaned lahke a pregnant pig, put 'er yed in 'er 'ands an' sed: "Oh, bloomin' 'eck. Does that meean tha'll be startin' ter watch Taan ageean!"


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