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Feather's Miscellany: Snorin’ i’ Church

So what caused old Jonas to snore in church? John Waddington-Feather's poem ends with a chuckle.

Owd Jonas Midgeley were t’warden at church,
An’ reg’lar as clockwork he went;
Each Sunda tha’d finnd him knelt dahn in his pew
To confess all his sins an’ repent.

But Jonas hed nivver mich sin to confess,
Tho’ no angel were he all his life;
Like t’rest on us, Jonas tried ‘ard to live reight
An’ soa did Grace Beckett his wife.

Shoo sat alongside him, two peas in a pod,
Nivver apart once ther’d wed;
Shoo kept him i’ line wi’ a varry sharp tongue,
An’ Jonas did all ‘at shoo said.

Nah one Sabbath morn t’ sermon were rayther long,
‘Cos t’ parson hed getten i’ throttle,
An’ Jonas dropped off sound asleep as a log
As t’ parson got more sacerdotal.

He praiched abaht this an’ he praiched abaht that
Till Jonas were sooin fast asleep,
An’ afore Grace could nudge him to wakken him up
He were snoring away loud an’ deep.

Nah t’parson thowt nowt of accompnyin’ snores
Tho’ t’rest i’ t’ owd church were amused;
Soa he leans ower t’pulpit an’ says rayther sharp,
“Would ta waken him up frae his snooze?”

But Grace were put aht bein’ shamed i’ this way,
An’ shoo glared back at t’parson a heap;
“Tha can come dahn thisen an’ wakken him up,
For it’s thee ‘at hes sent him to sleep!”

John Waddington-Feather ©


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