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Yorkshire Dialect: T' Fate Of An Autumn Giant

If you shut yourself away and never go out you will suffer the same fate as a conker, opines one of Mike Shaw's dialect-speaking characters.

To read more of Mike's Yorkshire dialect columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/yorkshire_dialect/

Me an' Jack Bamforth were talkin' abaat us schooildays ovver a pahnt in t' club a week of sooa back.

"This is t' tahme o' t' yeear wen we awl used ter ave conkers," Jack sed. "It sticks i' mi mahnd cos Ah gate 'owd of a reight whopper one yeear.

"Ah think it wer a forty-niner wen Jooa Sykes smashed it ter bits wi' a conker abaat t' sahze of a golf ball. Ah've nivver seen one sooa big, afooar or since, an' it wer as 'ard as a lump o' granite."

Ah gave a little chuckle an' sed Ah could remember Jooa's champion conker as if it wer yesterday. "It wer a flaysome sahze an' nooa mistek," Ah recalled.

"It wer unbeaten bi t' tahme t' conker seeason wer ovver an' crafty Jooa trahd ter keep it fer t' followin' yeear. 'E put it in a sahdebooard drawer at wom an' fergate awl abaat it until t' followin' October. Then e' went ter get it aat, but fun it'd drahd up lahke a wrinkled prune.

" 'E wer chock sluffed an' wer onmost i' tears wen e' telled me abaat it. Ah remember 'at 'e went awl ovver t' spot lookin' fer another just a big, but 'e nivver fun one.

"Ah telled 'im it should've taught 'im a lesson. If tha shuts thisson away an' nivver gooas aat o' th' haas tha'll shrivel up an' awl."


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