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Donkin's World: Quantum Of Frolics

Author and journalist Richard Donkin is neither shaken nor stirred by the new Bond film.

Do please visit Richard's well-stocked Web site

Details of his book Blood, Sweat and Tears which is acclaimed world-wide can be found here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blood-Sweat-Tears-Evolution-Work/dp/1587990768/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214554429&sr=1-2

OK, tons of action, Parkour, flying roof tiles, even a stylish martini, but is Quantum of Solace the Bond we all know and love?

It had lots of good stuff, great locations and bags of atmosphere. I loved the opera scene. But what the hell was it about?

George and Rob have drawn up a seven-point checklist for future Bond productions and looking at this amusing YouTube mash-up they are not alone in their bewilderment:

1. The planet needs to be threatened by some kind of mega death ray. In this one the greedy villain is threatening us with a water shortage at the risk of doubling our utility bills. We've had something like that already this year for real.

2. Where has the witty quip gone after someone is dispatched? The new Bond hardly says anything.

3. Gadgets: where have they gone? What have they done to Q?

4. What has happened to the physically deformed villains with horrific scars, burns, etc?

5. Why can't Bond keep himself reasonably clean? His shirts look like a "before" scene in a Persil ad - blood, sweat, grime, all kinds of difficult stains.

6. Iconic Bond music must be before, during and at the end of the film.

7. For goodness sake he has to get the girl.

"We appreciate that you are trying to make Bond more realistic and believable," say the boys. "But please don't! James Bond is not a hardened killer; he is a warm character who is both comical and light hearted. We don't want Bond to be serious and completely realistic; we already have someone doing that in films. He's called Jason Bourne. James Bond is supposed to be far fetched and fun, not realistic and terrifyingly ruthless. Sort it out!"


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