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Fast Fiction: Hypothetical

Richarard Mallinsonís tale concerns a prime ministerial on-air blunder.

To read more of Richardís fast fiction please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/fast_fiction/

'Look, Hector, I came on this programme to talk about our new health and education policies not if I've slept with the minister for rambling's wife - '

'Uugh, ah ... well, prime minister I wasn't going to ask you about the minister for rambling's wife but as you've brought the subject up yourself- '

'Now, look, Hector, I only brought it up because I knew that you'd bring it up - or something like it. . . I mean, it's your technique, isn't it, bringing up questions which bear no relation to what's already been agreed? So I thought I'd, you know, get in first - and that's what I've done . . . Now can we move on, please?'


'Prime minister? Is that you? It's Vic here.'

'Oh, hullo, Vic ... what can I do - ?'

'For heaven's sake, prime minister, what was all that about my wife on the Today programme this morning?1

'Your wife? What about her?'

'You referred to the minister for rambling's wife . . . that's my wife.'

'But you're the environment minister, Vic, not the minister for rambling . . . There isn't a bloody minister for rambling, for Christ's sake -'

'But surely you've heard, prime minister, it's my nickname . . . Minister for rambling, that's what they call me ... because I support the rambling fraternity . . . And there you go, on national radio, talking about sleeping with my -'

'Gosh, I'm really sorry Vic. I was merely being hypothetical. I'd no idea...í

'Oh, well, never mind, the damage's been done. I'm a laughing stock . .. and my wife says she wouldn't sleep with you even jf you paid her.'

There was a pause. 'Oh, come on, Vic, I'm not that bad, am I?'


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