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Open Features: Puns For Educated Minds

Rhonda Hall of Indianapolis, Indiana, sends us a selection of puns.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

*I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

* She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

*A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

* The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

* A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

* The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

* When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

* Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects


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