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Laugh With Lisa: Leading Us To Their Unknown

These stories from Lisa DeMarco confirm that some folk have only the flimsiest idea of geography and time. You couldn't make 'em up folks!

The following stories come from a government travel agent in Washington D.C.


I got a call from a Candidate Staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."

Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa."

Her response: a click on the phone.


A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make a reservation. "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."

The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady.

After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere."

The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map."

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"

"That's it. I knew it was a big animal," she admitted.


A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package the agency arranged. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.

I tried to explain that it was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on a map, and Florida is a very thin state."


I got a call from a Lawmaker's wife, who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"

I said, "No."

She said, "But they look so close on the map."


An Aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up their reservation, I noticed they had only a one-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas had a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time."


An Illinois Congresswoman called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am.
I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought it.


A New York Lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?"

She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT and I am overweight. I think that is very rude."

I put her on hold for a minute while I looked into it. I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, California is FAT. The airline was merely putting a destination tag on her bags.


A Senator's Aide called to inquire about a package trip to Hawaii. After I had gone over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take a train to Hawaii?"


I had a phone call with a freshman Congressman who said, "How do I know which plane to get on?"

I asked him exactly what he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number was 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."


A lady Senator called and said, "I need a flight to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?"

I asked if she meant - fly to Pensacola, Florida on a commuter plane?

She said, "Yeah, whatever."


A Senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they accepted my American Express."


Finally, I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up during the flight.


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